http://www.divorce-mediation.co.za/, http://www.divorceattorneyrandburg.co.za/

Nicki Macartney Attorney, Kent Avenue, Randburg (2026)

04/09/2026

Sadly, one of the most difficult things about dealing with narcissistic behaviour is that the person displaying it may never recognise it in themselves.

They may genuinely believe that the problem is everyone else.

You can explain.
You can provide evidence.
You can calmly point out the contradictions.
You can try to reason with them.
You can show them how their behaviour affects others.

But when someone lacks the willingness or capacity to self-reflect, no amount of explaining will necessarily get through.

The constant need for admiration, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, manipulation, arrogance and fragile self-esteem can create a cycle where accountability is always avoided and blame is shifted onto someone else.

And that can be incredibly frustrating, particularly in relationships and during divorce.

Sometimes the most important realisation is this:

You don’t have to convince someone that they are hurting you in order to take steps to protect your own peace.

You cannot control whether someone acknowledges their behaviour.
You can control how you respond to it, what boundaries you set, and how much access they have to your emotional energy.

Knowledge, boundaries and appropriate professional support can make all the difference.

Van Rooyen Attorneys & Mediators
Family Law • Divorce • Mediation • Parenting Matters

www.vanrooyenattorneys.co.za

03/09/2026

If you try to destroy the mother of your children, your children’s whole world - what kind of a man are you? Do you really care about your children then?

How a man treats the mother of his children says far more about his character than his words ever could.

Anyone can say they love their children.

Anyone can say they are a good father.

But character is revealed in how you behave when relationships become difficult.

Does he show respect, even when he is angry?
Does he speak about their mother appropriately in front of the children?
Does he honour his responsibilities?
Does he communicate without intimidation, manipulation or unnecessary conflict?
Does he understand that hurting the mother can ultimately hurt the children too?

Being separated or divorced does not cancel the responsibility to co-parent respectfully.

Your relationship with their mother may have ended, but she is still the mother of your children.

Children should never be placed in the middle of adult conflict.

At Van Rooyen Attorneys & Mediators, we believe that where possible, children should be protected from the conflict between their parents and given the opportunity to maintain healthy relationships with both.

Sometimes, the greatest gift a parent can give their children is simply this:

Respect their other parent.

www.vanrooyenattorneys.co.za

21/08/2026

DON’T SIGN A DIVORCE SETTLEMENT AGREEMENT JUST TO “GET IT OVER WITH”.

Divorce can be emotionally exhausting.

Sometimes one spouse simply wants the process finished and is willing to sign almost anything to make the conflict stop.

Please pause before doing so.

A settlement agreement can deal with matters that affect you for years to come, including:

• Your property
• Your pension or retirement interests
• Maintenance
• Your children’s care and contact
• Medical expenses
• School fees
• Future financial obligations
• The division of assets and liabilities

Once an agreement has been signed — and particularly once it has been made an order of court — changing it may not be simple.

Make sure you understand exactly what you are agreeing to before you sign.

If you are unsure about a settlement agreement, have it properly reviewed by an attorney.

Legal advice before signing can be far less costly than trying to fix a problem afterwards.

Nicki Macartney
Attorney & Divorce Mediator

20/08/2026

Mediation vs fighting in court

DIVORCE DOESN’T HAVE TO MEAN WAR. ⚖️

When a marriage ends, many people immediately think:

“We’re going to have to go to court.”

But litigation isn’t the only option.

Divorce mediation allows couples to work through the practical issues arising from their divorce with the assistance of an impartial mediator.

This can include:

👨‍👩‍👧 Parenting arrangements
💰 Maintenance
🏠 The family home
💳 Division of assets and liabilities
📅 Contact and holidays
🎓 School-related expenses
📑 The settlement agreement

Mediation can give both parties more control over the outcome instead of leaving important decisions entirely in the hands of a court.

It doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything when you walk into the mediation room.

That’s what the mediation process is for.

If you are considering divorce, consider getting advice about your options before the conflict escalates.

Nicki Macartney | Attorney & Divorce Mediator

08/08/2026

How to Obtain a Protection Order Without an Attorney in South Africa

Many people believe they need a lawyer before they can apply for a protection order.

Fortunately, that is not the case.

The Domestic Violence Act allows individuals to apply for a protection order themselves through the Magistrate’s Court. Court staff are there to assist applicants with the necessary forms and explain the process.

If you are in immediate danger, however, you should contact the South African Police Service (SAPS) without delay.

What Is a Protection Order?

A protection order is a court order designed to protect people who are experiencing domestic violence.

Despite the name, domestic violence is not limited to physical assault.

It can also include:

Physical abuse.
Sexual abuse.
Emotional, verbal or psychological abuse.
Economic abuse.
Intimidation.
Harassment.
Stalking.
Damage to property.
Unlawful entry into your home.
Controlling or coercive behaviour.
Any other conduct recognised under the Domestic Violence Act.
Every case depends on its own facts.

Who Can Apply?

You may apply for a protection order if the person has or had a domestic relationship with you, including:

A spouse or former spouse.
A person you are dating or previously dated.
A person you live or previously lived with.
The parent of your child.
A family member.
Anyone else who falls within the definition of a domestic relationship in the Act.
When Should You Apply?

A protection order is appropriate where there has been domestic violence or there is a genuine risk of domestic violence.

It is not intended to resolve ordinary relationship disagreements, parenting disputes or arguments arising during a divorce.

The court requires evidence that domestic violence has occurred or is likely to occur.

How Do You Apply?

Step 1: Visit Your Nearest Magistrate’s Court

Attend the Magistrate’s Court that has jurisdiction over where you or the respondent lives, works or where the abuse occurred.

The Clerk of the Court will provide the necessary application forms.

Step 2: Complete Your Affidavit

Your affidavit is one of the most important documents in your application.

Explain:

What happened.
When it happened.
How often it has happened.
Whether there have been previous incidents.
Why you believe you require protection.
Be specific.

Dates, places and examples are far more persuasive than general statements.

Step 3: Attach Supporting Evidence

If available, include:

Photographs of injuries or damaged property.
Medical reports.
Police case numbers.
WhatsApp messages.
Emails.
Voice notes.
Screenshots.
Witness statements.
Any other relevant evidence.
The stronger your evidence, the stronger your application.

Step 4: The Court Will Consider Your Application

If the court believes there are sufficient grounds, it may grant an interim protection order.

The respondent will then be served with the order and given an opportunity to appear in court on the return date.

At the final hearing, both parties will have an opportunity to present evidence before the magistrate decides whether to confirm the protection order.

What Can a Protection Order Do?

Depending on the circumstances, the court may prohibit the respondent from:

Assaulting or threatening you.
Harassing or intimidating you.
Contacting you.
Coming near your home or workplace.
Damaging your property.
Committing any further acts of domestic violence.
Every order is tailored to the particular circumstances of the case.

When Should You Consider Hiring an Attorney?

Many people successfully obtain protection orders without legal representation.

However, legal advice may be beneficial where:

The facts are legally complex.
There are disputed allegations.
Parenting issues overlap with the domestic violence allegations.
A divorce is pending.
You require advice about the evidence needed.
You are defending an application brought against you.
Final Thoughts

You do not need an attorney to apply for a protection order in South Africa.

The courts are designed to assist people who need urgent protection.

However, your affidavit and supporting evidence are critical. Presenting clear, detailed facts supported by evidence can make a significant difference to the outcome of your application.

If you require advice regarding a protection order, domestic violence matter or related divorce proceedings, obtaining legal guidance at an early stage can help you understand your rights and the remedies available to you.

Book a consultation: https://nickimacartney.setmore.com/

05/08/2026

One of the biggest misconceptions I see as a divorce attorney is that the person who fights the longest somehow “wins.”

They usually don’t.

A long, bitter, heavily litigated divorce rarely leaves either party better off financially. The legal costs add up, the emotional toll is enormous, and assets that could have benefited your family often end up paying for years of conflict.

Choose your battles wisely.

Stand your ground on the issues that truly matter, but don’t litigate simply to punish your ex or “teach them a lesson.”

In my experience, people who approach every issue as a war often discover that the biggest loser is their own bank account.

Be an as***le at your own peril.

Sometimes the smartest victory isn’t winning every battle, it’s walking away with your finances, your dignity, and your peace intact.

Book a consultation: https://nickimacartney.setmore.com/
www.divorce-mediation.co.za

03/08/2026

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learnt as a divorce attorney is this:

Your children will almost always love both of you.

When you try to make them choose sides, you’re not hurting your ex… you’re hurting your child.

Every insult they hear about the other parent creates conflict inside them because they see themselves as part of both of you.

Children should never have to carry the weight of adult conflict.

They don’t need to know who was right or wrong.
They don’t need to be your therapist.
They don’t need to choose.

They need the freedom to love both parents without guilt.

Protect your children more than you protect your pride.

Book a consultation: https://nickimacartney.setmore.com/

03/08/2026

What mediation is NOT

02/08/2026

The Most Mature Decision You Can Make During Divorce? Choose Mediation.

Divorce marks the end of a marriage, but it should not become the beginning of a lifetime of conflict.

Too often, couples enter litigation believing it will bring justice or closure. Instead, they spend months or even years fighting through attorneys, court appearances, and mounting legal costs. The emotional toll can be devastating, particularly for the children.

Children do not benefit from parents who are at war. They benefit from parents who are able to put aside their hurt, communicate respectfully, and make decisions in their best interests. Every hostile email, every court battle, and every unnecessary delay adds to the stress and uncertainty they experience.

Mediation is not about “giving in” or allowing someone to take advantage of you. It is about choosing a mature, respectful, and practical way to resolve disputes. It allows couples to have honest discussions, negotiate fair outcomes, and create parenting arrangements that work for their unique family.

The strongest people are not those who fight the hardest. They are those who have the courage to put their children’s future ahead of their own anger.

Litigation certainly has its place. Where there is abuse, dishonesty, or one party refuses to negotiate in good faith, the courts play a vital role. However, for many families, mediation provides a faster, more affordable, and far less damaging path to resolution.

Your marriage may be ending, but your children’s childhood should not become another casualty of the divorce.

If you are considering divorce, choose a process that protects your children, preserves your dignity, and helps you move forward with your life.

📅 Book a confidential consultation:
https://nickimacartney.setmore.com/

01/08/2026

One of the biggest misconceptions I encounter as a divorce attorney and mediator is that the courts will automatically ensure a “fair” financial outcome after divorce.

If you are married out of community of property without the accrual system, the general rule is that each spouse leaves with what is in their own estate.

The court cannot simply ignore your antenuptial contract because the outcome seems unfair.

While there are limited circumstances in which a redistribution order may be available, these claims are exceptional and require compelling evidence. They are not the norm.

Understanding your marital property regime before you get married can make a lifetime of financial difference.

Book a consultation: https://nickimacartney.setmore.com/

Nicki Macartney Attorney

04/09/2026

03/09/2026

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