Westchester Matrimonial LLC

06/24/2022

10 Tips from a

At first glance, a divorce attorney might not be the first person you think of as a source of marriage advice. However, given all they’ve seen and heard--- having spent thousands of hours with couples who are ending their marriages, divorce are uniquely qualified to provide advice about what couples considering marriage should and shouldn’t do if they want to avoid divorce.

Often this means having conversations you might consider awkward—but not having these big conversations about potential life-changers and the foundational aspects of your marriage can lead to tremendous stress, tears, and even divorce.

While marriage does mark a different state of your —and is indeed a , it will not fundamentally change your spouse or everything about your relationship. In fact, it might even magnify some aspects of your future spouse or your relationship you aren’t fond of. To put it differently, let’s say your difficult colleague gets a promotion and is now your boss. This new position isn’t going to suddenly cleanse them of all their difficult attributes-in fact, you might be dealing with them more often.

1. You can’t change your spouse—despite how hard you may try
You are marrying the person you are dating, not the person you hope they’ll become someday. People often enter a relationship thinking they can change the other person—but they can’t. It is not realistic to think that just being married to someone will stop their annoying habits or evaporate their major character flaws. In fact, entering into a marriage with these expectations will set it up for failure from the start. Before marrying someone, make sure you can live with all aspects of the person you are dating—warts and all.

2. Marriage won’t make relatives more likeable
Being married to your future spouse will likely not make your future in-laws love you nor will it necessarily reduce conflicts with your future in-laws. Although it is plausible, it is not likely. In fact, there is a strong chance that these people will play an even more significant role in your life when you are married. This does not mean you must love your future spouse’s family, but it does mean you should reach a form of peace with yourself about how your future spouse relates to his/her family. Perhaps even more so, you should use the period before you are married to have open conversations about your expectations for the role your families will play in your lives once you are married.

3. Make hard decisions before you have to make them
People generally prefer to avoid hard conversations on topics like death, disease, employment, and location. Avoiding talking about these issues won’t prevent them from occurring—it will just mean you are not prepared when they come up. Prepare in advance for how will you will address these issues before they become problems.

4. Marriage is a legal contract
Leading up to the wedding, your attention might be focused on invitations, colors, and photographers—keep in mind that marriage is a legal contract that fundamentally changes the financial and legal interests of each spouse. Since laws vary by state, do some research into your state’s marriage and divorce laws. Look into how your finances and assets will merge after marriage, and consider if there are assets you might want to keep to yourself (which can be arranged in a prenup) Think of it as doing your homework.

5. Force yourself to have those unsexy or awkward conversations about finances
Financial reasons are the number one cause of divorces in the US, so it is crucial to get on the same page about finances right away. Are you each spenders, savers, or entering into the marriage with financial baggage? Remember when you marry someone, you most likely marrying their finances as well.

Frequently, one partner is in charge of finances and paying the bills and the other is in the dark, often by their own choice. However, both of you should be well informed about your finances and you should have regular conversations about goals, failings, and where you are. Find some common financial goals and consider and how can you work together to achieve them.

6. You need to be on the same page about kids
Not only whether or not to have kids, but also how you want to raise them. Part of this may come from observing your future spouse’s family--Are they harsh disciplinarians? Laissez-faire parents? Are you on the same page about religion? Education? Is either of you willing to sacrifice career or education to be a caretaker for children?

7. Get a
While you might be tempted to think it could “jinx” the relationship or be bad luck, in reality it is quite the opposite. It can save you a tremendous amount of pain and money in the end. It not only allows you to determine contested issues like spousal maintained but also provides a mechanism of protecting pre-marital assets.

If both you are open during the process of drawing up a prenup, it can be a way of having honest conversations about fundamental aspects of your relationship including finances. You pay for car insurance but hopefully never get into an accident . You have medical insurance despite being hopeful you will never have a life-threatening condition. In many ways, a prenuptial agreement is an insurance policy for your relationship.

8. Start the prenuptial process early
Often prenups are sprung upon the other party shortly before the wedding. Or one partner hires a lawyer to draft a standard prenup, which is given to other partner who is advised to hire a lawyer to review it. Both of these situations can cause damage to your relationship and even lead to
pre-nups that are coercive, one-sided and emotionally destructive.
To prevent this, start the process well before the wedding so there is time to create an arrangement both of you are comfortable with. Ideally, each of you should have your own attorney to ensure that your interests are being prioritized.

9. Keep good records
Hold onto your pre-marriage financial records. Not only is this a good habit to be in with regard to your finances, if you ever do get divorced, you will need them to demonstrate your assets before your marriage. If you enter the marriage with certain assets, it is up to you to demonstrate you acquired them before the marriage. Without the documentation to prove something was yours before the marriage and didn’t mx with marital money, it will likely be included in a divorce settlement.

10. Realize that marriage is about compromise
Marrying someone does not mean giving up all of your independent hopes, goals, and dreams—but it does mean you will have to make compromises. Have conversations with your future spouse about your independent goals and hopes—and make sure you are comfortable supporting each other as you achieve them.

Westchester Matrimonial LLC is uniquely qualified to handle matrimonial legal matters concerning: Ad

11/04/2020

I am proud to have been selected to Super Lawyers as a top-rated family law attorney in White Plains, NY for the third consecutive year. Super Lawyers creates a credible, comprehensive and diverse listing of outstanding attorneys for both consumers searching for legal counsel and as a resource for attorneys. Below is my listing in Super Lawyers for 2018-2020. You can also view it at https://bit.ly/3kWpTiB

Jessica H. Ressler
Ms. Ressler’s practice is 100% dedicated to the areas of matrimonial and family law. She appears in Supreme Court and Family Court in Westchester, Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Bronx, Staten Island, Rockland, Long Island, Putnam and Orange Counties.

Ms. Ressler was admitted to the New York State Bar in February of 2003 and graduated from New York Law School in 2002.

09/06/2020

Meet our team of dedicated, professional and caring .
Westchester Matrimonial lawyers are exclusively devoted to and . With decades of experience in family law services, Westchester Mat Law’s attorneys have been instrumental in the litigation or settlement proceedings of thousands of matrimonial and family court issues.

Westchester's top divorce attorney practice based in White Plains. Rely on Westchester Matrimonial Law for your family law, divorce law and other matrimonial circumstances.

07/01/2020

Getting A
Getting a divorce is one of the hardest things most people ever have to do. There’s a reason why it takes some people so long to make the decision to go through with it. Often, either party has spent months or even years painstakingly considering all of the ways divorce would affect their family and eventually mourning the loss of the marriage. In the end however, it is usually the best decision for everyone involved.

Article Written By Jessica H. Ressler.

Getting a divorce is one of the hardest things most people ever have to do. There’s a reason why it takes some people so long to make the decision to go through with it. Often, either party has spent months or even years painstakingly considering all of the ways divorce...

05/11/2020

Navigating Visitation and -19 - Westchester Mat Law Divorce Lawyers
Here are some common questions with answers that will help you navigate your child custody and visitation rights during the COVID-19 .

Article Written By Jessica H. Ressler. All Rights Reserved

Question #1:

My ex is not practicing self-isolation and has been exposed to COVID-19. What can I do to keep him/her from putting my child at risk when during ?

Answer:

New York’s court system has stated that parents should oblige by their existing arrangements during this pandemic, and it is clear that there will be no tolerance for violations. As such, the best thing you can do is to stress the importance of keeping your child(ren) safe and healthy and try to come up with alternative solutions together.

Question #2:

Can I adjust visitation with my ex while the social distancing order is in effect without going to court?

Answer:

While existing orders and visitation arrangements must be obeyed during the pandemic, this is something that can be resolved with some communication and flexibility.

Question #3:

My ex is an essential personnel/healthcare worker and has been exposed to the virus. He/she has agreed to postpone visitation until it is safe, but my child is upset and constantly worried. What can I do to ease my child’s mind without putting them at risk?

Answer:

Children are really taking the brunt of this pandemic. They are out of school, out of routine and immersed in a very scary world. Most importantly, normalize their daily routine. Try connecting them daily with your ex. You can call or text, or make video calls via Facetime or Zoom. Checking in with the parent they are worried about and seeing them safe may do wonders to minimize stress.

Question #4:

The constant news and images of people dying from have my child terrified of exposure. They don’t even want to leave to have visitation with my ex. How can I help my child get acclimated to what’s going on without forcing them to abide by a court order?

Answer:

Right now, children are existing in a literal limbo- witnessing constant discussions about the virus and its effect and not understanding what it all means. First, talk to your child openly and try to ease their worries. Constant stress is unhealthy, especially for children. Let them know that while concern is understandable, they have to find healthier ways to manage the fear. Have your child create letters, cards and hand-made gifts to send to your ex while they are apart. They can even create them to send to hospitals for the healthcare workers on the frontlines. Giving and spreading joy is a great way to help your child feel useful and valued.

Question #5:

I am a health-care worker/first responder exposed to the virus daily. I am careful about my exposure however, and I want to see my child per my court-ordered visitation. My ex won’t let me though. What can I do?

Answer:

As a first responder, you are one of the brave fighters on the frontlines helping us all come out of this is one piece. But you have to keep in mind that the threat is very real and as such, the risk of infection to your child is very real. If the shoe were on the other foot, you’d be worried for your child’s safety too; try to remember that. If you and your ex can’t come to a reasonable resolution that keeps everyone safe until everything returns to normal, you do have options. If you are concerned about a potential threat to your existing or visitation arrangement, reach out to Ressler & Associates for advice.

Conclusion:

These are strange times and with the rules to keep us safe constantly changing, you may need the help of the court system to keep your family safe and healthy. Most conflicts can be solved with some flexibility and communication. But if you find that resolution can’t be reached without court intervention, you should reach out to the experienced attorneys at Ressler & Associates for advice. They can guide you as you navigate custody and visitation in this uncertain arrangement Navigating this new normal can be tricky, especially for divorced families; a little common-sense and a lot of patience will go a long way.

Feel free to contact Ressler & Associates for help.
914-361-5500

https://westchestermatlaw.com/navigating-visitation-and-covid-19/

05/03/2020

Spouses Who Hide Their Money
Article Written By Jessica H. Ressler. All Rights Reserved

Separating from a spouse isn’t always the battle many perceive it to be. Unfortunately, it can become contentious when one party is dishonest about their assets. In some cases, it’s simply because one spouse handles the household’s finances and has all the knowledge of their financial information, while the other spouse does not. But sometimes, a divorcing spouse will hide assets in order to keep them from being divided or transferred.

Separating from a spouse isn’t always the battle many perceive it to be. Unfortunately, it can become contentious when one party is dishonest about their assets. In some cases, it’s simply because one spouse handles the household’s finances and has all the knowledge of their financial informat...

04/13/2020

and Child Support During -19
These are unprecedented times we are living in and with that comes questions about how to navigate pending issues within families such as custody/visitation and child support. The COVID-19 sweeping across the world is hitting New York particularly hard and making parents everywhere readjust to a whole new normal. While it is daunting and unknown, it isn’t hopeless.

These are unprecedented times we are living in and with that comes questions about how to navigate pending issues within families such as custody/visitation and child support. The COVID-19 pandemic sweeping across the world is hitting New York particularly hard and making parents everywhere readjust...

06/24/2019

Child Abuse Or Neglect Proceedings
Child abuse and neglect are sensitive topics no person enjoys talking about, but being educated about abuse and neglect is the first step towards making a difference for abused or neglected children. The attorneys at Westchester Matrimonial have the skills and knowledge to help you navigate these difficult proceedings, and promote the best interests of the child.

Article 10 of the Family Court Act is meant to help protect children from physical, mental, and emotional harm by establishing procedures for handling allegations of abuse and/or neglect. This Article is designed to provide both the parent and the child due process of law for determining whether the state must intervene to protect the best interest of the child. While Family court has exclusive jurisdiction over abuse/neglect proceedings, there could be simultaneous criminal proceedings.
https://westchestermatlaw.com/services/child-abuse-neglect-proceedings/

06/12/2019

Court Appointed for a Destitute or Dependent Minor
Unfortunately, not every has a homelife that allows them to develop and thrive. In these instances, the courts may decide it is in the best interest of the child to appoint a guardian who is not the child’s biological parents. Ideally, a child will be raised in a home with the child’s biological parent(s); but, if maintaining a permanent home with the child’s biological parent(s) is not in the child’s best interest, the court’s may seek an alternative placement that allows the child to thrive.

Social Security Law § 384-b outlines the legal procedures for appointing a guardian for a destitute or dependent child. A guardian is a person, over 18 years of age, who has the ability to make legal decisions for another and takes legal responsibility for another’s care. The law’s primary goal is to ensure that the subject child has a permanent home that provides the best opportunity for that child to grow into a responsible, productive citizen. Often before a guardian is appointed, services are provided to the family in an attempt to determine whether breaking-up the child’s family can be avoided. The legislative intent behind SSL § 384-b seeks to preserve parental rights, when possible, while also making sure that the child has a positive, nurturing relationship with their caregiver(s). Thus, whenever possible, the law seeks to help heal broken families rather than rushing to get the courts involved.
https://westchestermatlaw.com/services/guardianship/

05/01/2019

Grandparent Rights
The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is a special bond, difficult to replicate or find anyplace else. New York law understands this relationship and provides grandparents with legal options that make sure that the best interest of their grandchild is being achieved.

The dedicated lawyers at Westchester Matrimonial have the knowledge and experience necessary to help understand their rights and options when it comes to maintaining or strengthening that special bond with their grandchild.

Grandparents have no fundamental right to their grandchildren, but the New York Domestic Law §72 provides a path for grandparents to be heard by the courts if the grandparent/grandchild relationship is being interfered with or needs to be modified. This is a special proceeding where grandparents can ask the court for either visitation rights or custody rights. The first step, however, is to establish a right to be heard.

To establish a right to be heard by the court, grandparents’ must show the court one, or more, of these specific criteria exist:

Both the grandparents and the child(ren) are residing in New York State; and
Either one or both parents are deceased;

OR

There are extraordinary circumstances that requires the court to intervene.
While every case is different, caselaw has interpreted “extraordinary circumstances” to be specific occurrences. These specific occurrences include:

Voluntary prolonged grandparent custody of the grandchild(ren) for 24 months or longer by the parent(s);
A change in the core, nuclear family that requires the grandparents’ intervention;
Some abandonment of parental responsibility for the child(ren);
Surrender;
Abandon;
Persistent neglect;

OR

Parental unfitness
The court will give some weight to the wishes of the custodial parent, but will make a decision for the best interest of the child(ren). When deciding the best interest of the child, the court considers:

the fitness of the parties;
the nature and quality of the relationship between the child(ren) and the parties;
Any prior existing arraignments/agreements.
When seeking visitation, grandparents have to show that visitation is in the best interest of the child. The court recognizes that the grandparent/grandchild relationship is special, but challenging if there is animosity between the parties. The court will help fashion a visitation arrangement that will ensure that this special relationship is maintained, without putting too much stress on the family dynamics that exist.

Grandparents are seeking custody have a higher burden, though. The grandparents must show that the parents have either voluntarily given up custody, or have given up custody by not acting in the best interest of the child. The grandparent(s) must show that the custodial parent(s) has, in some way, given up the right to raise their children.

Determining the best interest of a child can be a difficult, confusing task. At Westchester Matrimonial, our attorneys only have one goal: helping you achieve the best interest of your loved one. Our attorneys will listen to your unique circumstances and help you understand the best course of action you can take to make this possible. At , we focus exclusively on family/matrimonial law because we believe that family comes first.

The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is a special bond, difficult to replicate or find anyplace else. New York law understands this relationship and provides grandparents with legal options that make sure that the best interest of their grandchild is being achieved. The dedicated....

04/12/2019

Ms. Ressler has been selected to Super Lawyers for the second year in a row. Ms. Ressler attained this honor by proving her dedication to matrimonial law and has gained a reputation as a professional, thorough, compassionate and skilled attorney. Ms. Ressler’s ability to handle various complex aspects of matrimonial law (i.e. child , support, distribution of assets) with ease and expertise has solidified her receiving this honor. Her passion to work within this niche field, and commitment to remaining active within the legal community since 2002, has allowed her reputation to standout as a Super .