09/15/2017
If you are involved in a divorce case, involving children, it is essential to be civil and considerate of how the divorce will affect your children. Children are not fully developed emotionally, and it is difficult for them to deal with the changes that will result from the divorce. If the parents engage in combative behavior and negative language about the other parent, it will take a toll on the children. I am not a mental health professional, and this is not offered as legal or psychological advice. However, I have formed the following opinions based on my observations and experience:
1. Don't bad mouth your spouse online, out loud or otherwise. You may think that the kids don't hear or aren't aware, but they hear and see more than you think. At the end of the day, your spouse is the parent of your children, and in most cases, the kids love their Mom/Dad. If you are negative about him/her, then it lowers the kids' opinion of him/her and you. Also, it creates a lot of stress for the kids because they aren't emotionally prepared for what is happening.
2. In most cases, you will be bound to your spouse for the rest of your lives. Graduations, weddings, grandchildren, holidays, birthdays and custody exchanges will cause the two of you to interact. Set the groundwork now for peaceful co-existence. It will be better for you and the kids, and it will save you thousands of dollars in legal fees.
3. Listen to the advice of your lawyer. You are paying him/her to lead you through the case. He/she is experienced, and you are paying for that experience. Follow it. If you don't trust the advice you are receiving, then hire a different lawyer.
4. Don't make your kids choose between you and your spouse. As I mentioned earlier, most times the kids love you both. Don't discuss the issues, proceedings or possible outcomes, unless absolutely necessary. When you talk about the case with the children or in their presence, you are unfairly asking them to pick sides.
This list is far from complete, but these items are important. In future posts, I will add to the list.