10/25/2026
π INOLA, WE HAVE A SOLUTION. AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED, ITβS ME.
After extensive research, several public meltdowns, and the voluntary retirement of multiple people from Inola Town Council who apparently couldnβt handle my personality, Iβve decided to announce my candidacy for City Manager of Inola, Oklahoma. πΊπΈ Is that something you run for? (I ask in jest, of course you can run for it, I just decided to!)
My qualifications?
β
I ask questions nobody wants to answer.
β
I read the fine print.
β
I show up to meetings.
β
I have absolutely no interest in being popular with the people causing the problems. In fact, I am their nightmare.
β
And Iβve already demonstrated a remarkable ability to make local corrupt government officials update their rΓ©sumΓ©s.
Now, with the Port suing the city and Scott Devers still sitting in the managerβs chair, I figure itβs time to stop doing the job of an unpaid municipal pain in the ass and apply for the position officially. I offered to do this for Meeker when Jeff resigned, but they didnβt take me up on the offer. Maybe they thought I was kidding. Maybe I was then. Hell, maybe I am now. But I wonβt be caught bluffing, so call me on it.
MY PLATFORM IS SIMPLE:
π₯ Less nonsense. More transparency.
π₯ Fewer excuses. More accountability.
π₯ Stop digging the hole deeper.
π₯ And, perhaps most importantly, stop making decisions that require me to buy more storage space for public records and all the videos.
My slogan?
RONALD E. DURBIN, II
Pain in the Ass Extraordinaire
FOR INOLA CITY MANAGER
I promise to be every bit as pleasant to deal with from the inside as Iβve been from the outside. π Except, this time, I would be on the Cityβs and the Peopleβs side, by unifying the two.
And Scott, buddy, this isnβt personal. Itβs just that Iβve been doing quality control for free, and frankly, the benefits package sucks. Ok, and maybe if Iβm being honest, itβs also a little personal.
INOLA: YOU CAN KEEP PAYING FOR THE PROBLEMS, OR YOU CAN HIRE THE PROBLEM-SOLVER.
Disclaimer: This is a joke campaign. But if the application comes with a decent salary, health insurance, and the authority to fix things, somebody might want to check my references. π Google me, itβs going to take some time.