09/06/2023
STEVE’S 10 RULES OF MEDIATION
1. WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT IS NOT WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT
2. IF A PARTY KEEPS REPEATING THEMSEVES, THEY DON’T FEEL LIKE THEY’RE BEING HEARD. FEED BACK WHAT THEY’RE SAYING
3. PARTIES CAN’T GO BACKWARDS & FORWARDS AT THE SAME TIME. IF A PARTY IS STUCK IN THE PAST & CAN’T MOVE FORWARD, THERE IS AN UNDERLYING EMOTION THAT NEEDS TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED. REFLECT THEIR EMOTIONS
4. INTERESTS ARE THE FLIP SIDE OF EMOTIONS
5. WHEN IN DOUBT SUMMARIZE
6. THE PARTY WHO MAKES THE FIRST “GIFT” (IE. CONCESSION, APOLOGY, ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE OTHER PARTY’S VALUE) “WINS” (IE. COMES CLOSEST TO THEIR GOALS)
7. YOU CAN BE HAPPY, OR YOU CAN BE RIGHT
8. SOMETIMES THE RIGHT ANSWER AT THE WRONG TIME IS THE WRONG ANSWER. IF A PARTY IS NOT EMOTIONALLY ABLE TO MOVE FORWARD, TRY TAKING A BREAK. IF THAT DOESN’T HELP, SUGGEST ADJOURNING & REGROUPING FOR ANOTHER SESSION, POSSIBLY WITH A SUPPORT PERSON
9. THE MEDIATOR SHOULD NEVER BE WORKING HARDER THAN THE PARTIES
10. DON’T LET YOUR DESIRE TO BRING PEACE TO THE PARTIES’ CONFLICT DIMINISH YOUR GOOD WORK. SOMETIMES GIVING THE PARTIES A SAFE AND RESPECTFUL SPACE TO TALK TAKES TIME BEFORE THE PARTIES CAN MOVE FORWARD
