10/18/2026
Things That Go Bump in the Marriage
Well, y’all, October has finally rolled onto the Mississippi Gulf Coast.
The thermometer has dropped below three digits, there’s a ten-foot skeleton grinning at me from my neighbor’s yard, and somebody at the store has already put Christmas trees next to the candy corn.
Which means two things: Halloween is upon us, and Engagement Season has officially begun.
For those unfamiliar with the term, Engagement Season is that magical stretch between pumpkin spice lattes and Valentine’s Day when perfectly sensible people lose their minds, buy diamond rings, and decide to spend the rest of their natural lives with somebody who may or may not know how to load a dishwasher.
And every year, right about the time those engagement pictures start appearing on Facebook, I begin thinking about the divorce files that will eventually land on my desk.
Now, don’t misunderstand me.
I love a good wedding.
I love romance.
I love seeing two people genuinely happy together.
But after years of practicing divorce law, I also know that sometimes Prince Charming turns out to be a frog.
And sometimes the princess is the one who needs to be returned to the swamp.
So, sugar, before you pop the question, accept the ring, or start picking out bridesmaids’ dresses, pull up a rocking chair, light the jack-o’-lantern, and let an old divorce attorney tell you a few ghost stories.
Thirteen Ways Not to Haunt Yourself
1. Meet the ghost in my attic.
Every respectable haunted house has one spirit that refuses to hush, and mine whispers a single word:
Prenup.
A properly prepared prenuptial agreement can protect both of you, the property you bring into the marriage, and, depending on its terms, the assets you acquire afterward.
It isn’t a curse on your marriage. It doesn’t mean you’re planning a divorce. It means two grown adults have decided to discuss their finances while they’re still speaking to each other in complete sentences.
And here’s the scary part, sugar: a contested divorce can cost many times what you would have spent on a properly prepared prenup.
Think of it as a garlic necklace for your bank account.
2. Don’t co-sign with a zombie.
If their credit is deader than a graveyard at midnight, you might want to investigate before putting your name on anything.
People can have financial hardships. Life happens. But there’s a mighty big difference between somebody who fell on hard times and somebody who treats paying bills like an optional extracurricular activity.
If they won’t pay the people they already owe, what on God’s green earth makes you think they’re suddenly going to become financially responsible because your name is on the loan?
Love may be blind, honey, but the bank most certainly is not.
3. Did you hear that rattling in the attic?
It’s the prenup ghost again.
She’s shaking her chains and pointing at your retirement account.
I told you she wasn’t going to hush.
4. You can’t dig up money that isn’t buried yet.
No, honey, you cannot demand half of the inheritance your spouse might someday receive from their wealthy mama and daddy.
In Mississippi, an expected inheritance from somebody who is still very much alive is not an asset you get to divide in a divorce.
And even an inheritance already received is generally separate property, although what happens to that money afterward can change things considerably.
So before you start mentally dividing your mother-in-law’s estate, remember two things: she isn’t dead, and she might leave everything to the cat.
5. A baby together doesn’t make a good husband or wife.
Snakes have babies, too.
And Lord knows the bayou is full of them.
A child is a blessing, but a baby will not magically turn a dishonest, irresponsible, or abusive partner into a decent spouse.
If anything, a newborn, two hours of sleep, and a mortgage payment will reveal exactly who you married.
And sometimes that revelation deserves its own horror movie.
6. The bad boy is a werewolf.
Bad boys and bad girls are exciting in movies.
In real life, that mysterious, unpredictable personality can turn into somebody who can’t keep a job, can’t control a temper, and can’t understand why the sheriff keeps showing up.
There’s nothing romantic about a domestic violence protective order, and absolutely nothing sexy about being questioned by law enforcement because your sweetheart decided the two of you should participate in a felony.
If your relationship requires a bail bondsman on speed dial, you may want to reconsider your definition of romance.
7. Whoooo-prenup-whoooo.
There she is again.
Floating down the hallway, rattling her chains, and whispering something about separate property.
At this point, I’m beginning to think she’s the only sensible person in the house.
8. Beware the one with a spouse in the other room.
If somebody is courting you while still living under the same roof as their husband or wife, you might want to put the brakes on that fairy tale.
Now, I understand that people separate, marriages end, and sometimes circumstances require people to remain under one roof temporarily.
But if they’re sneaking around behind their spouse’s back while promising you a lifetime of happiness, you might want to remember how this particular romance got started.
If they’ll cheat with you, don’t be shocked when they eventually cheat on you.
And honey, God does not send you somebody else’s spouse.
9. Don’t be the ghost who won’t leave the house.
Some people refuse to agree to a divorce for one reason and one reason only: they cannot stand the thought of their spouse being happy without them.
Now, Mississippi has actual legal requirements for obtaining a divorce, and nobody is obligated to surrender legitimate rights or claims just to make somebody else’s life easier.
But refusing to cooperate solely because you’re determined to make everybody miserable isn’t a legal strategy I’d recommend.
If the marriage is over, and there’s a fair and lawful way to resolve it, quit rattling chains in the hallway.
Cross over to the other side.
There may be somebody over there who actually wants to spend more than five minutes in your company.
10. Watch out for the wolf in Sunday clothes.
Nothing quite prepares a divorce attorney for receiving a collection of text messages from somebody lecturing their spouse about obedience, submission, and biblical marriage while simultaneously behaving like the villain in a Lifetime movie.
Especially when the Scripture is being misquoted, the liquor bottle is empty, and the police reports tell a considerably different story.
If you’re going to preach about being a good spouse, you might want to start by acting like one.
And if you’re abusing your spouse while demanding religious obedience, don’t expect your Sunday clothes to impress the chancery judge.
The Good Book isn’t a permission slip for bad behavior.
11. Never sign in blood without a lawyer.
For the love of everything holy, have an attorney review your divorce agreement before you sign it.
I cannot tell you how many people have walked into a law office holding paperwork they signed because somebody told them, “It’s just a formality.”
Sugar, so is signing a deed.
That doesn’t mean you should hand over the family farm without reading it.
Once a divorce agreement becomes part of a final judgment, changing it can be difficult, expensive, or, depending on the provision, impossible.
The devil is in the details.
And sometimes he’s the one who drafted the agreement.
12. Chancery judges can see ghosts.
Mississippi chancery judges have heard just about every excuse, accusation, and creative interpretation of marital history that two unhappy people can manufacture.
And most experienced divorce attorneys have, too.
So when a former divorce client calls to announce they’re getting married again, I congratulate them.
I genuinely do.
Then I send them a prenuptial agreement intake form.
Because, honey, we just spent a considerable amount of time, money, and emotional energy getting you out of one haunted house.
I’d prefer not to see you move into another one without at least checking the foundation.
13. Let the body cool before you propose.
And finally, for the love of all that’s decent, please refrain from posting a video of yourself proposing to your next spouse in the cereal aisle of the neighborhood Walmart while you’re still legally married to the last one.
Your divorce isn’t final because you’ve moved out.
It isn’t final because you’ve taken off your wedding ring.
And it certainly isn’t final because you’ve changed your Facebook relationship status to “It’s Complicated.”
Until that final judgment is entered, you’re still married.
And nothing says future evidentiary exhibit quite like a public engagement video featuring a diamond ring, a box of Frosted Flakes, and somebody who hasn’t finished divorcing their first spouse.
The Spirits in the Decanter
Now, these are just a few of the reasons I suspect most divorce attorneys have occasionally contemplated keeping a bottle of something strong in the office.
Some might hide theirs in a desk drawer.
Me?
Mine sits proudly on a dry bar in the requisite crystal decanter, accompanied by six matching highball glasses, just as any respectable Southern lady’s should.
Because after spending your days listening to people explain why they married somebody they now describe as the spawn of Satan, you develop a healthy appreciation for good crystal, a comfortable chair, and the occasional moment of silence.
Happy Halloween, y’all.
Lock your doors, check the children’s candy, keep an eye on the skeletons in the closet, and whatever you do—
Sign the dadgum prenup.
Katina “Tina” Seymour Demoran is an attorney with Seymour Law Firm, PLLC, in Ocean Springs, Mississippi. This column is intended for general information and entertainment and does not constitute legal advice. Every case is different, and readers should consult an attorney about their individual circumstances.
