10/13/2026
Updated Version.
Mr. Bones Has a Coverage Problem
Mr. Bones,
Thank you for contacting Watlington Law Firm concerning the loss of your legs in what you described as a “yard maintenance incident.”
I am pleased to hear your injuries were not fatal due to lack of blood flow. A blessing indeed. Your lack of blood appears to have worked in your favor.
After reviewing the photograph and your account of the events, however, I regret to inform you that we have a problem.
You described your wife running over you with the lawnmower as an accident. You also reported that she backed up and made another pass.
The second pass concerns me.
As does your statement that she lowered the cutting deck.
Insurance policies commonly contain exclusions for intentional acts. We would need to examine the actual policy, but your wife’s alleged statement, “Let’s see you leave your shoes in the hallway now,” is unlikely to improve our position.
You have asked whether we can make a claim against the lawnmower manufacturer. At present, the evidence suggests the mower performed precisely as intended. The operator’s intentions appear to be the difficulty.
You also asked about pain and suffering. I do not question your suffering. Establishing your pain may require some explanation, given the absence of nerves, muscles, and everything ordinarily attached to them.
Nevertheless, you were wise to seek advice before accepting your wife’s offer to repair the damage with fishing line and a bag of cable ties. Please preserve those items, along with any remaining portions of your legs.
Do not permit her to mow again until the evidence has been photographed.
Although we may be unable to assist with your injury claim, I believe you need the best divorce lawyer money can buy. We would be glad to make a referral.
You should explain the urgency when scheduling the appointment. Your wife has already demonstrated a willingness to divide the marital assets.
Best Personal Regards,
Garland Watlington, JD
Mr. Bones is a fictional Halloween client. His coverage problems—and marital difficulties—are presented for entertainment.
