10/15/2026
I am going to say something that may make some of you angry - but I hope will at least cause you to look at recent legislative proposals from a new point of view. This is about the bill to shorten, or do away with, the required separation period in NC before divorce. I do not support that. Today, I was sent an article from USA today (I'll post the link to it in the comment section here) supporting it, and it was so one-sided and so .... wrong that I was compelled to write an email to the reporter. Below is what I wrote:
"I am a family law attorney based in Durham, North Carolina. I have been practicing family law since 1999. I own my own firm, am a proud progressive liberal feminist, and am probably a bit too outspoken.
When I first moved to NC, I thought the one year separation period was ridiculous. I have since completely changed my mind. I read your article and wanted to tell you the other side, and maybe point out what the real problem with this is.
IT IS NOT THE SEPARATION PERIOD. While I cannot recite why this period was initiated (although with a bit of research, we could find the legislative history, I am sure) I suspect it has to do with a conservative need to "respect marriage," the same mindset that has NC still allowing Alienation of Affection lawsuits. If that is the case, it certainly was instituted for the wrong reasons. Regardless of why it is here, to do away with it would harm the very people who can least afford the harm.
In NC, when a divorce is granted, it terminates a persons' right to seek division and distribution of property, assets and debts through the marital laws. It terminates a person's right to seek spousal support. It is when the spouse who has health insurance through his or her employer can have the other removed from that. The only way the right to make these claims survives a divorce is if they have been properly asserted in a court file prior to the granting of the divorce. If you have not been able to resolve those issues via a separation agreement, then if the other party files for a divorce, and you are and have been a stay at home wife, with no employment income and no retirement plans, no credit history, etc., if you don't file your claims with the court you will lose all of what you need to start out on your own. While it is possible to file these claims without an attorney, it is a bad idea, so that means the person in this position MUST find the funds to hire an attorney to be sure they get what they are due from the marriage. That is not cheap. And, once a claim is filed in court, there are time limits and requirements for what to provide and when, etc. So, if the other party can't file for divorce for at least a year, the spouse who needs it the most has that time frame to try to resolve these outside of court (again, should still be through an attorney to be sure you get all that you are entitled to, but doesn't have to be) and/or to locate the financial means to file for them in court. If the separation period is shortened, the time to make this happen is shortened, and the pressure to "take what I can get" is heightened.
Your article cites the need to support two households, managing solo parenting and navigating custody exchanges as problems related to the separation period. But that is not accurate. Those are problems when a marriage ends, whether it's during a period of separation or after an immediate divorce. The separation period has absolutely nothing to do with those issues. I also note one of your examples was a person who claimed that they couldn't change the locks on their home because both names were on the deed - that is not what the law says. She could have changed those locks, and the ex could be barred from returning (see the criminal Domestic Civil Trespass statute, at N.C. Gen. Stat. 14-134.3).
You and the persons cited in your article also reference being "tied" to their spouse during that period. They are not. NC specifically states that when spouses are separated (more on that in a minute) they are able to act as freely as if they were divorced. The issue there is, and this is where there is a problem that could be easily fixed that would not harm the spouse with less income, is how to show you are "legally separated." In NC, parties are legally separated when they "live separate and apart and at least one of them has the intention to remain that way." The problem is, how do you prove that? We could create a document that can be filed (with the Court, with the Register of Deeds, wherever the legislature decidees) that is something like a Notice of Separation, that says "we live separate and apart and I intend to remain that way" and once it is filed or recorded, it reflects the separation. I don't think that should be required, but it should be available. It would address the concerns about being legally tied to one another - no you aren't, and now you can prove that. The only thing you cannot do during your separation period that you can do after divorce is remarry.
I didn't mean to get as deep into the weeds here as I did, but I did want to respond to what you wrote. I am seeing a lot of push for this bill, and the push is alleging it is good for women (who are typically the lesser earning, or unemployed, spouse, and who are more often the victimes of domestic violence). In fact, the opposite is true. It will allow the other spouse to force the woman to accept what is offered or find the funds to fight it in court, or lose what they are entitled to.
I notice that there are very few states who have a required separation period, and that the requirement is referred to as "antiquated." After almost 30 years of experience in this field, I have come to believe that any state that says "your right to the protections offered by marital law ends at divorce if no claim has been properly filed" should implement a separation period, in order to protect those who need it the most."
