09/28/2026
Whenever I get to talking about Fair Play with a married woman, it is quite common for her to quickly jump to her partner's defense and explain no. No no no no my husband is great. He does a lot around the house. He cooks dinner, and basically does anything that I ask.
But the thing is that he's still not sharing the mental load. And that's fine. Like if you're not stressed out and overwhelmed and resentful, then it's obviously working for you and it's not a problem.
However, if you still feel like you are drowning while at the same time saying that your partner is supportive and contributing, then there's a disconnect there.
So when we look at completing household tasks, we have to think about the task as having three parts. There's the conception (the knowing it has to be done), the planning (the getting the things for it so it can be done), and the ex*****on (the doing of the thing.)
Lots of partners help with the doing of the thing. But it's the other stuff that's heavy. It's the other stuff that causes moms to feel like they're drowning.
So when you say, "He's great, he cooks dinner." Remember that cooking dinner is easy. But who made the meal plan? Who made the shopping list? Who went to the grocery store? It all counts as part of completing the task.
So when you use Fair Play, you figure out who is in charge of what - from beginning to end.
Because it's not just about the doing. If it were just about the doing, at least 20% of us wouldn't be struggling with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Because guess what's the number one indicator of PMADs? Yup. Lack of partner support.
So if you're struggling as a new mom, and you're surprised at how little weight your partner is carrying, don't wait until you are resentful to make a change.
And if you're pregnant and want to make sure to have a plan for who does what after the baby gets here, start by checking out the Fair Play documentary on Hulu.
I incorporate Fair Play Coaching into my Postpartum Planning whenever necessary (and it's almost always necessary) so you can start out on the right foot.
Comment Plan and I'll send you some information about my postpartum strategy sessions.