D'swiz crew, Eket, Uyo (2026)

30/09/2025

😂😂A lawyer is trying to call his clients. The phone rings and a little boy, in a whisper, says, ” Hello”
Lawyer: “Is your mommy there?”
Boy👶: (whispers) “Yes.”
Lawyer: “Can I speak to her?”
Boy👶: (whispers) “She’s very busy.”
Lawyer: “Is your daddy there?”
Boy👶: (whispers) “Yes.”
Lawyer: “Can I speak to him?”
Boy👶: (whispers) “No, He’s very busy.”
Lawyer: “Is there anyone else there?”
Boy👶: (whispers) “Yes, the fire department.”
Lawyer: “Can I talk to one of them?”
Boy👶: (whispers) “No, They’re busy too.”
Lawyer: “Is there anybody ELSE there?”
Boy👶: (whispers) “The police department.”
Lawyer: “Well, can I talk to one of them?”
Boy👶: (whispers) “No, They’re busy too.”
Lawyer: “Let me get this straight, your mother, father, the fire department and the police department are all in your house, and they are all busy. What are they doing?”
Boy👶: (whispers) “They are all looking for me.”🥲

©Alex Ke🥰

14/09/2025

Put a frog into a vessel filled with water and start heating the water.
As the temperature of the water begins to rise, the frog adjust its body temperature accordingly.
The frog keeps adjusting its body temperature with the increasing temperature of the water. Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog cannot adjust anymore. At this point the frog decides to jump out.
The frog tries to jump but it is unable to do so because it has lost all its strength in adjusting with the rising water temperature.
Very soon the frog dies.
What killed the frog?
Think about it!
I know many of us will say the boiling water. But the truth about what killed the frog was its own inability to decide when to jump out.
We all need to adjust with people & situations, but we need to be sure when we need to adjust & when we need to move on. There are times when we need to face the situation and take appropriate actions.
If we allow people to exploit us
physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually or mentally they will continue to do so.
Let us decide when to jump!
Let's jump while we still have the strength.
Good morning.
©copied.

13/09/2025

🐺The wolf never eats corpses, neither of animals nor of people; it spends its entire life with one partner, it does not mate with its mother or sister; it is a monogamous animal, it does not cheat. If a partner dies, the wolf remains alone; it knows its young well: it is the only animal that helps its parents after a deep old age and brings them food.
✨ When you kill a wolf, it looks you in the eyes until its soul leaves it; it is 25% smarter than the dog and it is the only animal that does not obey training, they say. Wolves think, dream, make plans, communicate with each other intelligently and are more like us than any other living being.

© Copied.

07/09/2025

I have always been fascinated by Bayelsan names.
Bayelsan parents give their children, very unique names that would make you wonder.

I grew up here in Asaba so it is more of a culture shock as almost everyone here have, what i feel are normal names.

Francis, Kingsley, Charles...Cynthia, Jane, Sonia.

The first time i encountered someone from Bayelsa state bugodi in my SS3, first term.

My form teacher ushered a new student into the class and he introduced himself as...

"UNIVERSITY TOMBRA!"

Everyone howled but i didn't.
I was enchanted as well as perplexed when i came to terms that it was indeed his name.

I wondered why parents would give their son the name, University.

I didn't get to meet such again till i was serving...NYSC.

So an arm of my office had something to do in Yenegoa and my director took me along with some senior staff.

We got there oh, rested and the next day, we went to the school...everyone arranged themselves in the hall and the meet and greet, started.

So, question and answer time.
Students would be given microphone, fa na aju questions and any one in our team would answer.

Now this is where it gets crazy...maka chi, buckle your seat belt.

So the first student got up, said hello and introduced himself as...

"GOVERNOR...."

I looked to my left, nobody moved.
I looked to my right kwa, no movement.

I say maybe na me no hear well.

Another student picked up the microphone, said hello and introduced himself as...

"TEMI-LONDON BONNY!"

My neck almost turned 360 as i kept searching to see if anyone was as perplexed as me.

No one was.

Like a dream, the next students introduced themselves as...

"LEADER HENSHAW BELEMA..."

"MAYOR WISE-MAN IBIYE BRAIDE!"

"DICKSON-BORN-TO-RULE EBIYEPREYE!"

"HARCOURT-WHYT TAMUNOSEPIROKU..."

Please forgive me if i got this spelling wrong.

It was going on and on like that till a small sized boy grabbed the microphone.

Continue in the comment section

05/09/2025

I am married to a military man and he is rarely at home, but each time he is, it’s always the best.

Luckily, that week, he had just returned from an assignment and was at home.

I went to the market to buy some items to make his favorite food, just as he wanted.

On my way back, this old man in a sleek, expensive car stopped me. He called me over.

I thought he was going to ask for directions since our street is usually busy, but instead, he started showering me with compliments.

He admired my shape, the color of my skin, and—believe it or not—even the shape of my ears. His eyes had really gone too far.

Then he landed the bomb: “I like you. Can I have your number?”

The audacity!

A man old enough to be my father asking me out? I was furious and slightly embarrassed.

It wasn’t even like I was immodestly dressed. I wore a simple, lovely gown, one my husband had bought for me.

I always wore his gifts whenever he was around. And you know my husband, he wouldn’t buy indecent clothes for his wife.

So what on earth gave this old man the guts to stop me and demand such nonsense?

I nearly told him I was married, but instead, I kept quiet and walked away.

But can you believe it? The man followed me! He kept driving slowly, matching my walking pace. I wasn’t about to start darting through side streets just to lose him.

I thought, If he has the guts to follow me home, let him come, I’ll gladly serve him a drink to relax this evening.

And guess what? The man followed me home!

When I saw he truly dared, I boldly invited him upstairs. I served him juice and went straight into the bedroom to explain everything to my husband.

Now, my husband didn’t waste time. He put on his full military uniform and stepped out.

The moment the old man saw him, his face turned pale. I can tell his spirit left his body for a few seconds.

But what shocked me more was my husband’s reaction. He welcomed the man warmly, offered him kola, and said with a straight face:

**Continue in the comment section.

02/09/2025

Black CEO Denied First Class Seat — 12 Minutes Later, He Grounds the Plane and Fires the Pilot

Dr. Malcolm Adeyemi was used to being underestimated. At forty-three, he was the youngest Black CEO of an international aviation company, a self-made billionaire who had built his empire from a single cargo jet into one of the most profitable airlines in the world.

But on this Tuesday morning, dressed simply in jeans and a blazer, he looked like any other traveler. He didn’t carry the weight of his status on his shoulders. He just wanted to get to London for a crucial investors’ meeting.

At the check-in desk, he handed his ticket to the attendant, who glanced at him briefly before frowning.

“Sir, I think you’re in the wrong line. This counter is for First Class passengers only.”

Malcolm raised a brow. “I know. I booked First Class.”

She laughed nervously, looking him up and down. “Are you sure? First Class is quite… expensive.”

Before he could reply, another passenger — a white businessman in a suit — stepped forward. “He’s probably lost. Why don’t you check my ticket instead?”

The attendant smiled at the man and waved him through, ignoring Malcolm.

Something inside him tightened, but he said nothing. He simply pulled out his phone and typed a quick message.

“Boarding now. Will be 12 minutes.”

On the plane, it got worse. A flight attendant stopped him as he moved toward First Class.

“Sir, Economy is that way.”

Malcolm’s voice was calm. “Check my ticket.”

She did. Her face shifted. But instead of apologizing, she muttered, “Hmph. Must be some mistake.”

By the time he sat down, whispers rippled through the cabin. Some passengers stared as if he had stolen the seat.

The final insult came when the pilot himself, a tall white man with a stiff jaw, walked past and sneered.

“Hope you’re comfortable, sir. Don’t usually see… your type up here.”

Malcolm’s eyes narrowed. His patience snapped.

Exactly twelve minutes later,

28/08/2025

During one lecture, a professor suddenly picked up a glass of water and held it up. He stood there quietly, just holding it, as the students began to glance at each other, waiting for an explanation. Ten minutes passed, and he still didn’t lower his arm.

Finally, he asked:
“Tell me, how much do you think this glass weighs?”

The students started guessing:
“Maybe a couple of ounces!”
“Four ounces!”
“Five!”

The professor smiled.
“Honestly, I don’t know either. To find out, we’d have to weigh it. But that’s not the real question. What happens if I hold this glass for a few minutes?”

“Nothing,” the students replied.

“Right. Now, what if I hold it for an hour?”

“Your arm will start to hurt,” one answered.

“Correct. And what if I try to hold it all day?”

“Your arm would go numb, you’d be in serious pain, maybe even need medical help,” another said as the class laughed.

The professor nodded calmly.
“Exactly. But tell me—did the weight of the glass ever change?”

“No,” came the reply.

“So why the pain in the arm? Why the tension in the muscles?”

The room fell silent.

Then he asked:
“What should I do to get rid of the pain?”

“Put the glass down,” someone said.

“Exactly!” the professor exclaimed. “Life’s problems work the same way. If you carry them in your head for a few minutes, it’s no big deal. Think about them for too long, and they start to hurt. Dwell on them all day, and they paralyze you—you won’t be able to do anything else.”

He paused, then finished with this:
“That’s why it’s so important to put your problems down at the end of each day. Don’t go to bed carrying the weight of them. Rest, recharge, and you’ll wake up ready to face tomorrow with strength and clarity.”

06/08/2025

A teacher entered the classroom and found the chair he was to sit on hung on the ceiling. He looked at the students and smiled. Without saying a word, he proceeded to the blackboard and wrote:

Test - 15 min, 30 marks.

Q1. Calculate the distance between the chair and the floor in centimeters (1 Mark).

Q2. Calculate the angle of inclination of the chair to the ceiling, and show your workings (1 Mark)

Q3. Write the name of the student who hung the chair on the ceiling and the friends who helped him. (28 Marks).🙄

Me: my own don finish 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔.

08/07/2025

The day before our former landlord passed on, his dog was going round the compound barking in an unusual way.

Scott(the dog), was moving from one flat to the other, barking at the entrance of each flat. I had to stand by my window to look at the poor dog. It looked so sad as if it knew the ill fate that was about to befall it's owner.

It barked till past midnight. Even when I got up to ease myself, the poor dog was still barking weakly.

The next morning, it began to run round our landlord's jeep. Barking more intensely. I knew that the dog was trying to pass across a message. When our landlord drove out of the compound, it ran after the car with the speed of light. I didn't see the dog for hours.

I went about my business and didn't pay much heed to it, untill people started trooping into our compound. Some were standing by the fence, while the others had this sad expression on their faces.

It turned out that out landlord had an accident and was rushed to the hospital. Around 10 p.m, I saw this dog sitting quietly in a corner, unlike the playful and lively Scott, it was just crouched in a corner.

Same night, our landlady was driven into the compound, and her loud scream pierced the stillness of the night. Our landlord had died.

Scott no longer play around, it just sits at a corner, probably mourning his owner's demise. If the landlord or his family had gotten the cue from the dog that disaster awaits them, he wouldn't have gone out that day.

Some animals, especially dogs are sensitive to know when someone is about to die, or when disaster is about to strike. If you have a dog, pay close attention to them, they can save you from potential danger.

08/07/2025

A man had a wife and a mistress and he didn't know who to choose. He decided to go see a wise man to find an answer to his problem. He asked him if he had to be with his wife or mistress. The wise, looked at him and took two pots in his hands: one with a rose and the other with a cactus and asked him:

"What do you do if i tell you to choose one of these two pots?". the man looked at him and replied: " obviously I choose the rose!". the wise smile: " you proved that You were reckless and rushed. You don't deserve any of the two pots: neither the one containing the rose nor the one with a cactus. Some men, driven by beauty and socializing, choose what seems to shine most. The Rose is beautiful but wither soon. However, the cactus, even though it is not very beautiful at first sight, remains the same, whatever the climate: Dark Green with so many thorns but when bloom offers you a beautiful flower. Your wife knows all your weaknesses, flaws and mistakes and loves you for what you are. Your Mistress doesn't want you whole but just the beautiful part: your smiles, victories, joy, caresses. Your wife loves your tears, your defeats: She's beside you for better and for worse. When the difficult times arrive, your mistress will go away and look for someone else. Your wife will stay by your side. Don't look now that everything looks good. Things won't go that long. It's too late for you. You despised the cactus to get the rose and you don't deserve either. But know that the time will come when you understand your mistake, but it will be too late.

Don't leave your diamond at home and go for stones

06/07/2025

I was listening to the radio outside when my wife ran towards me while shøuting

"Honey! Honey!! Honey!!!

There's a snáke in the room.

Dear friends, we men dey súffer ooh...

We often have to prove that we have balls in certain situations and there I really don't like it.

Me who can't even catch an ordinary goat 🐐 or a chicken 🐔 in my hand. Me that is always afraíd that a sheep 🐑 🐏 will bíte me savâgely 🤣 me who is even afraíd of rat 🐀 🐁 it is this same person that my wife was asking to k!ll a snáke 🐍 that can bíte for real and poisøn or K!ll me 😭 😢

Deep down, I was afraíd but I had no choice.

I pretënded not to hear her and asked very nonchalántly:

"Huh?"

She repeated that a snáke 🐍 had just entered the living room and that it had slipped under the furniture...

I got up and followed her taking a hockey stick 🏒 As soon as we got to the entrance, she pointed to the 🛋️

"It's over there"

Me: Snáke 🐍 there, what color was the snáke 🐍 i asked in féar 😨 ?

She: (all paniçked) black!!! Black black

Me: was it a poisonøus snáke 🐍 or domestic snáke 🐍 ?

Me : Was the snáke 🐍 ángry 😡 when u saw it ?

She: ooorrrh baby...

Me: Yes!!! I'm asking for this information because it's not just any snáke 🐍 we k!ll... Bcos There are innoçent snákes 🐍 that we don't k!ll... for bád repercussion 🙄

She: Baby, we have to go into the room...

Me: go in to do what ? 🤷

She: You're going to lift the furniture and k!ll the snáke 🐍 otherwise it can go to the kitchen...

There, my heart 💜 was beat!ng fast and I was already sweat!ng like a top athlete in the field 😥😤

She: Or are you afraíd ?

Me: Afraíd of what ?

In my mind I said, me that have almost wet my underwear with urine 🥵

Then I started fúmbling The number of snákes 🐍 we húnted in the village, you can't count...
As soon as the snákes 🐍 saw us, they fled into the bush and there we followed them LALALALA like Usain Bolt in the bush....... 😅

section for the rest*

28/06/2025

A Nigerian mother was lucky enough to witness all four of her daughters get married in the same year.
After each wedding, she told them:
"Don’t forget to text me your first-night experience — but text it in code."

A week later, the first daughter texted:
📩 "UNION BANK"
The mother checked their motto:

"Big, Strong and Reliable"
She smiled and nodded in satisfaction.

The second daughter texted:
📩 "NESCAFÉ"
The mother looked at a Nescafé tin and read:

"Fantastic till the last drop!"
She laughed gently. “Not bad,” she thought.

The third daughter messaged:
📩 "BENSON & HEDGES"
The mother rushed to her husband’s pack of ci******es and saw the label:

"Extra Long, King Size"
She blushed and whispered, “These girls no dey carry last o!”

The following week, the fourth daughter texted:
📩 "ARIK AIR – LAGOS TO ABUJA"
Worried, the mother quickly called Arik Air's customer service to ask about the route.

They replied:

“We operate 4 times daily, 7 days a week… and the flight lasts just 45 minutes.”

The mother fainted and screamed:

"IGWEEEEEEEE!!! This one go kee my pikin ooooooo!!" 😂😂😂

From me to you:

D'swiz crew

30/09/2025

14/09/2025

13/09/2025

07/09/2025

05/09/2025

02/09/2025

28/08/2025

06/08/2025

08/07/2025

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06/07/2025

28/06/2025

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