01/06/2022
עו״ד גרמי שטרן
In 2017, the movement was a watershed for the public discourse on abuse, with the mantra “believe all women.”
Now, in 2022, the pendulum has swung the other way and people have started to call into question the entire notion of a person who claims is a victim to be believed.
For anyone who has been living under a rock for the past 6 week the impetus for this change is the Depp v Heard trial. For those rock dwellers, here’s the story:
Amber Heard publicly accused Jonny Depp of abuse and even went to the court for a protection order in 2016. Two years later, she became the ambassador for domestic abuse for the ACLU and posted an op-ed for the Washington post introducing herself in the capacity of a domestic victim, and alleging she herself had experienced abuse.
Jonny Depp sued Heard in a court in Virginia for defamation for 50 million dollars claiming his career was wiped out as a result of her allegations of abuse. Amber Heard countersued claiming Depp’s lawyer defamed her in an article and called her abuse claims a hoax.
The crux of the trial (which lasted 6 weeks) focused on one essential question: who is the abuser? Did Depp abuse Heard through various acts of physical violence, emotional control, and possible sexual violence? Or was Depp the victim of a manipulative, lying, disordered spouse.
Because of the public nature of a trial livestreamed on numerous YouTube channels, the parties’ dirty laundry has been hung out for all to see – and the public can make their own decision about who the real abuser was. Text messages, testimony of friend’s, video recordings, audio recording – all these forms of evidence played out in front of the jury and, more importantly, in front of the world.
Simply by following the mainstream media, one would not get a clear picture of the kind of evidence that was brought forward in the case, a point made by numerous Youtubers and Twitter users, who have compulsively followed the case.
As an attorney who deals largely with domestic relations this case is particularly interesting as it raises an issue I have on an almost daily basis in my law practice: who is to be believed?
When a client comes in accuses their partner of being abusive, how am I to know if that is an accurate depiction of facts or, perhaps, they are actually the abuser and are projecting their actions on to their partner (as abusers commonly do)?
Being an attorney who wants to find out the facts is a difficult job, since the information is only coming from one side and I am not going to get the full picture.
To complicate matters even more, even if I do hear both sides pf the story, it’s still difficult to get to the bottom of things: true abusers they are notoriously good at distorting facts, gaining sympathy and making the other side come out as the abuser. What I can say is that there are a few rules of thumb that are useful for sorting through the morass of mutual claims of abuse.
First of all, does it make sense on its own? Is the person telling me the story in a zig zag fashion, or do they have a consistent narrative? To be sure, sometimes people have been so victimized they can’t express what happened to them, but at the end of day, if they can give facts and narratives that is consistent that gives credibility and the inability to provide a clear, coherent, and consistent narrative raises serious questions about whether the client is accurately telling the story.
Number two, do the allegations of abuse make sense objectively outside the context of their case? A very common claim that comes up consistently in divorce cases, is the claim that the father sexually abused the children. Statistics and common experience show that the percentage of people with pedophilic tendencies is very low, and that number gets lower when it comes to their own children.
An example from my practice: a mother claims a father abused their 1.5 years old child. Even among the subset of pedophiles who are capable of sexual abusing their own child, the percentage of those that would abuse a baby or toddler are extremely rare. So, while I’m not going to say it didn’t happen, it will have to be investigated thoroughly and I will be more suspicious than a more believable claim.
On the other hand, if a spouse claims that their partner is very controlling, doesn’t let them visit relatives, guilt trips them into overspending on them, or underspending on themselves ,or blaming their partner for everything, all of these are quite common and definitely deserve more presumption of believability.
Number three, does the story seem exaggerated? Maybe something did happen but does the “victim” seem to be making a mountain of a molehill? Naturally there are so many factors and variables to determine if a reaction is an overreaction, but in the end it comes down to common sense. If a husband says his wife is berating him and makes him feel worthless, I want to know is she actually berating him, or she was encouraging him to find a job instead of staying unemployed.
How do I get to the truth and figure out if a client is exaggerating or inconsistent or projecting?
The most important thing is a timeline. Someone who does not have a clear story and know when things happened often is not telling the truth or has distorted the truth.
The flip side is that abusers will not have clear answers to allegations of abuse. If when I ask, “is it true you hit your wife,” I don’t get a clear no and the client starts skirting the issue and talking about other topics rather than dealing with the specific allegations, then I know something happened and the allegation is likely true.
The timeline is also useful to check the veracity of the claims. A case I had from my law practice: my client’s ex claimed that he sexually abused 10 yr. old son. Once I had the timeline, I was able to show that she made the allegations during a time when she consistently left the kid with him alone despite her admission she knew about the abuse. In addition, she installed cameras ”to make sure: there was no abuse happening. If she had the guts to install a camera to see if abuse was happening, then surely, she had the presence of mind not to leave the child with the abuser.
Once a case comes to trial, a very useful tool to get to the bottom of things is appointing clinical psychologists to do psycho-diagnostic evaluations of the couple. It is extremely difficult to fool a clinical psychologist when testing is done properly. The MMPI-2 test specifically looks out for a tester who is trying to come off better than they are and to put on a façade.
The Depp v Heard case gave us a unique look at the use of testing, since both sides brought clinical psychologists as expert witnesses. It’s interesting to note that Depp did not go under evaluation largely because that was not an issue in the lawsuit. It would surely be interesting to see the results. The expert witness bought by Depp testified that in her professional opinion, Heard has Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.
In her testimony the psychologist was able to explain how she arrived at her conclusions, demonstrating that Heard exaggerated her claims of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in the testing. As the court psychologist herself admitted she’s not a fact finder and couldn’t say what happened on a given day but she can say if Heard presents events as they happened or a disported version of what happened. Heard brought a psychologist to testify that she had PTSD from the marriage to Depp. During cross examination she admitted she came to the diagnosis after two years of treatment, and only gave the diagnostic testing after forming an opinion on the matter.
I did not read the written reports of the psychologists and I did not see the scoring (under Israeli law, psychologists can’t show score to non-psychologists and I would not be surprised if the same holds for the US). From the oral testimony, the overall impression of Heard’s psychologist is that she is driven by agendas and her desire to label Heard as victim.
I prefer to send cases to clinical psychologists and I specifically look for non-political and non-dogmatic experts. If a psychologist writes on their website that they champion victim rights or that they are “pro fathers rights”, I know this is not going to be an expert who can give an unbiased report.
When it comes to psycho-diagnostic testing, the results should be replicable, meaning that if the person administering the test has experience and competence their results should not be too different from another psychologist. Once you through a political agenda into the mix, anything can happen. In Heard’s case, her expert witness admitted to not properly scoring the test sheets. When a person has an agenda, they’ll play fast and loose with the rules even if their intentions are good.
The jury is out – literally – on the question of who the abuser is, Heard or Depp. From the many divorce cases I have done, rarely is the question of abuse a zero sum game where all the blame is on one partner. So yes, a wife might be borderline and abuse her husband, but perhaps the husband is an alcoholic with unresolved trauma from his youth which contributed to the volatility of the marriage. It is precisely for that reason that I personally try to avoid using the term “abuse” and prefer to describe the behaviors and patterns of both sides.
With most Western countries recognizing unilateral no-fault divorce, there is seldom a need to apportion blame for the breakdown of the relationship, so the the question of who is the abuser comes up more often in child custody and allegations of levelled against the other parent. I am strong believer that, in such cases, a custody determination must be done by a clinical psychologist after full and complete psycho-diagnostic testing has been administered – this is the only way to get to the bottom of the high conflict cases. In my next post I will discuss the use of expert’s with more depth and nuance and hopefully by then we will have an answer of who won - if anyone won - in the Depp Heard case .
עורך דין ג'רמי שטרן, עורך דין. תחומי עיסוק: ענייני משפחה ומשפט בין לאומי פרטי.
Jeremy Stern, Attorney at Law. Practice areas: Family and International Private Law