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LegallyNik Trauma Informed Child Protection Lawyer 👩🏻‍💼
Independent Mama of ✌️
Showing Law & Life ❤️
(1)

15/10/2026

How many of you didn’t realise you were experiencing coercive control until someone pointed it out, or you read something and it just CLICKED?

Sometimes, when you’re living through it, you don’t recognise it for what it is.

Coercive control isn’t obvious. It doesn’t have to involve physical harm, and it certainly doesn’t have to end when the relationship does - actually it ramps up after.

In fact, separation can simply change the methods through which control is exercised.

➡️ Child arrangements: Using contact, handovers or demands about time with the children to intimidate, undermine or exert pressure.

➡️ Decision-making: Using parental responsibility as a weapon. Unreasonably withholding passports, obstructing arrangements or making decisions to maintain control.

➡️ Financial: “I’ll only pay towards the children if you agree to XYZ.”

➡️ Legal proceedings: Repeated or unnecessary applications intended to intimidate, punish or financially exhaust the other parent.

Not every difficult co-parenting relationship amounts to coercive control. But equally, not every allegation of coercive control should be dismissed as parental conflict.

⚖️ Under Practice Direction 12J, the Family Court must consider relevant allegations of domestic abuse and whether a fact-finding hearing is necessary when determining child arrangements.

Because coercive control doesn’t just affect the parent experiencing it. Children can be victims of its impact too.

❤️ Sometimes, recognising the pattern is the first step towards breaking it.

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14/10/2026

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13/10/2026

I speak to countless clients who have been called every name under the sun.

Parents who come to me frightened to disclose their mental health difficulties, not because they lack insight, but because those difficulties have been weaponised against them.

Having mental health difficulties does not automatically make you an unsafe or incapable parent.

The Family Court does not simply disregard mental health, nor should it. What matters is whether those difficulties affect your parenting capacity, your child’s welfare and your ability to meet their needs.

Is there a lack of insight? Are difficulties going unmanaged? Has behaviour directly impacted the children? Is there evidence of an identifiable safeguarding concern?

These are legitimate matters for the court to consider.

But having experienced anxiety, depression, PTSD or emotional distress does not, in itself, establish that you are a risk to your children.

And where your mental health is being weaponised against you, you are entitled to challenge that narrative.

You can explain to the court what I say in the video or even:

“My mental health has repeatedly been raised by the other parent as a concern. However, there is no corroborating evidence that my mental health has negatively impacted my ability to meet our children’s needs. I believe these allegations are being used to undermine my parenting rather than address any identifiable welfare concern.”

And where appropriate, explain what support you have accessed, how you manage your mental health and the steps you take to ensure your children’s needs are consistently met.

Remember that experiencing psychological distress does not automatically make you the problem. Particularly where that distress has arisen in the context of DA.

The court’s focus should remain on evidence, parenting capacity and the welfare of the children. Not labels. Not stigma. And certainly not unsubstantiated allegations dressed up as safeguarding concerns.

12/10/2026

Week 3 of DV awareness month.

The reality of permitting unsupervised contact when you have experienced DA can find your experiences being minimised (you will likely experience this any way within the family court system) so it’s really important you trust your gut and take things slow.

You may also get pressure from professionals to allow contact, to stop contact, to restart contact, to go to mediation , to not….advice can be so conflicting and there’s no one size fits all - hence why tailored advice is needed where and if possible. However if you’ve just left due to DV - air on caution ❤️

Thank you for riding the wave - the most brutal comments 🤣 but thank you for all being here. 50k in less than a year wil...
11/10/2026

Thank you for riding the wave - the most brutal comments 🤣 but thank you for all being here. 50k in less than a year wild ❤️🥹

Figuring it out with you …. A lot of pages still unwritten x
10/10/2026

Figuring it out with you …. A lot of pages still unwritten x

09/10/2026

If you passed tomorrow, who would raise your children? And would you have any say in that decision?

This is something EVERY parent should consider and I know frightens so many of you.

Under Section 5 of the Children Act 1989, a parent with parental responsibility can appoint a guardian for their child in the event of their passing.

This is known as a testamentary guardian, and the appointment can be made in your will or another written document that is signed and dated.

One VERY important distinction though:

⚖️ Naming someone as a guardian does NOT automatically mean your child will live with that person if you pass. If the other parent is alive and has parental responsibility, the appointment will not ordinarily take effect immediately.

There are, however, important exceptions, including where the parent who passed had a ‘lives with’ Child Arrangements Order only in their favour.

In those circumstances, the appointed guardian may acquire parental responsibility alongside the surviving parent.

And where there is disagreement about where the child should live, the Family Court can be asked to determine arrangements based on the child’s welfare.

This is particularly important for parents who have experienced DA, high-conflict separation or safeguarding concerns.

Your wishes matter. But so does understanding what the law can and cannot guarantee. For parents, it can also be an opportunity to record who you would trust to care for your children if you were no longer here.

08/10/2026

Week 2 of October being DV awareness month.

If something shows up after a Clare’s Law request….have concerns.

If their ex has an injunction against them…..have concerns.

If they talk about their children but never actually see them…..have concerns.

If every ex they’ve ever had is apparently “psycho”, “crazy” or “obsessed with them”…..have concerns.

If they tell you they were completely innocent and the police, social services, Family Court and their ex all somehow got it wrong….. have concerns.

If they tell you their ex “stopped them seeing the kids”, but they’ve made no meaningful attempt to resolve contact…..have concerns.

If every relationship ended because the other person was the problem…..have concerns.

None of these things, in isolation, automatically tells you somebody is an issue. But you do not need proof beyond reasonable doubt to have concerns about the person you are bringing into your life.

Ask questions, Pay attention to patterns, Make your own enquiries where you lawfully can.

And please, particularly when you have children, do not let chemistry talk you out of information that should make you curious. Please please please, if you take anything from this post let it be that ‼️

Day 6 of DV Awareness Month.Today, a husband stands charged in connection with his wife’s 💀 and the mother of his childr...
07/10/2026

Day 6 of DV Awareness Month.

Today, a husband stands charged in connection with his wife’s 💀 and the mother of his children.

A stark reminder that, for too many women, the most unsafe place is their own home. The statistics are devastating.

In England and Wales, 75 women were victims of domestic homicide in the year ending March 2025. More than half of all adult female homicide victims in a domestic context.

Looking across three years of official data, almost 73% of female domestic homicide victims were 💀 by a male partner or ex-partner.

And the Femicide Census has repeatedly highlighted just how often women 💀 by men are in their own homes.

Home is supposed to be where a woman feels safest.

Yet for too many women, the person they share that home with poses the greatest risk.

Please take the warning signs seriously.

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