Emily Bennett

24/10/2024

The teenage girl inside me, who was obsessed with The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and covered her bedroom walls with thirty-five thousand posters, is about to burst with envy 😍
Frodo, Sam, and Gollum!

24/10/2024

24/10/2024

24/10/2024

I even managed to annoy someone on the plane 😂
– Excuse me, why are we still standing? We were meant to take off at 10:15. It’s already 11:15.
– I don’t know.
– But you’re a steward. You should know.
– I shouldn’t.
– Has something happened to the engine? The wing? The fuselage?
– Do you even know what a ‘fuselage’ is?
– No, I have no idea. But it sounds fancy. Very French.
– If the fuselage’s broken, it won’t save you.
– So it is broken? The fuselage?
– Please, can you stop repeating the word ‘fuselage’ and just tell me, would you like a savoury or sweet pastry? And sparkling or still water?
– Pardon me, but is the toilet still closed?
– Yes, it’s still closed.
– Why?
– I don’t know.
– There’s a lady here who ate pickled tomatoes and drank two litres of water.
– Pickled tomatoes? For breakfast?
– Yes, pickled tomatoes and buckwheat. Sorry I’m not having bread on bread with bread, like they do in Brussels.
– You’re flying to Poland. There’s plenty of pickled tomatoes and buckwheat there. Good luck.
– The flight lasts 1 hour 40. So we should be there in half an hour, right?
– I don’t know.
– Listen, I have such issues with maths that you can’t even imagine. But even I’ve worked out that 11:15 + 1:40 = 13:55.
– 12:55.
– Let’s not focus on this tiny innocent mistake. So are we landing at 12:55 or not?
– I don’t know.
– And what if I had a connection and missed it?
– You’d sleep in a hotel.
– What hotel? Taylor Swift’s concert is on tonight. I’d be sleeping on a bench somewhere in the park.
– Right, mademoiselle, listen…
– What did you just say? Repeat that.
– I said, listen to me.
– I meant before you said ‘listen.’
– ‘Mademoiselle’?
– Oh my god… for the first time in two years, I’m not ‘madam.’ I thought old age and ‘madam’ were here to stay. You’re forgiven for everything. It must be the braids with ribbons, right?
– You’re a bit loopy, but I’ll still ask… are you married? Since I’m already forgiven…
– No, not married.
– Second question: do you always talk this much?
– Yes.
– It was nice meeting you.

24/10/2024

Episodes. August 2024.

I. – Kids, clear the table.
– I’ve already started!
– sun, you’ve just brought biscuits from the kitchen and are sitting there eating them at a messy table.
– I’m eating the biscuits I brought from the kitchen. So technically, I’m currently clearing the table of biscuits by eating them, which is making the table messier. Biscuits that you wouldn’t have eaten because you don’t like sweets. So, who else but me? Who’s the hero here?

II. – Mum, I can’t. Why is “bird” in French written as "oiseau" but pronounced "wazo"?
– When I was learning English at school, I only memorised the word "daughter" after years of silently spelling it out as "D-A-U-G-H-T-E-R".
– So what should I do?
– I don’t know. Learn. The only thing I’ve realised with age is that you have to keep going. Why do you think so many women walk around with hieroglyph tattoos on their backs, not knowing it means “sausage” instead of “love”? Go and ask someone in Brussels to say “palianytsia” and grab some popcorn. Preferably with extra cheese, because they’re in shock that such a thing even exists.