25/06/2026
Each year, around 50,000 children in Australia experience their parents’ divorce and even more experience parental separation.
What are the effects of parental separation on children?
Parental separation can be challenging for children when it results in more limited contact with one parent. This can result in children feeling rejected, abandoned or lonely. These emotional responses can affect children’s behaviour and relationships and may lead to some children becoming less motivated and engaged at school, struggling with attention or withdrawing from friendships or social situations.
Although most research has focused on negative impacts rather than positive benefits, the research also shows that parental separation, by itself, does not inevitably harm a child’s wellbeing. While some children struggle emotionally, socially and academically, others adapt well and even thrive. For some, separation can bring positive emotions such as relief and joy, especially when it reduces exposure to conflict or violence.
What do children need when their parents separate?
0–8 years Key emotional needs: Routine, reassurance, sense of security. Information needs: Simple, reassuring explanations Preferred support sources: Family members, familiar environments
9–13 years. Key emotional needs: Stability, fairness, emotional support. Information needs: Clear explanations about changes and decisions. Preferred support sources: School counsellors, peer support, trusted adults
14–17 years. Key emotional needs: Recognition, inclusion, emotional validation. Information needs: Detailed information about legal processes and outcomes. Preferred support sources: Independent advisors, mental health services, legal representation.
Children’s needs for security and stability
Children commonly value predictability and stability during and after parental separation. They can feel more secure when their daily routines, relationships and environments remain stable; this can include staying in the same school and maintaining familiar activities as much as possible (Baxter, 2025; Carson et al., 2018).
Supportive school environments, especially when they offer strong mental health resources, can also help mitigate any negative effects of parental separation and are frequently identified as key external sources of support (Carson et al., 2018; Kaspiew et al., 2014; Parkinson & Cashmore, 2021). For example, some children report that school-based counsellors and mental health professionals can help them navigate life changes; in part, because they operate in familiar settings (Carson et al., 2018).
Children also value post-separation parenting agreements that preserve meaningful connections. While no single arrangement suits every family and circumstances vary, children often prefer shared care arrangements with fair division of (quality) contact with both parents/carers (when safe and appropriate)3 (Alminde, 2024; Fehlberg et al., 2025; Parkinson & Cashmore, 2021).
They also commonly want to stay connected with siblings, even where living and care arrangements differ (Campo et al., 2020; Hayes & Birnbaum, 2019; Knight, 2019). Importantly, children’s preferences and needs may change over time, so parents and professionals need to listen and adapt arrangements accordingly (Campo et al., 2020; Carson et al., 2018).
Children’s needs for communication and listening
Trusted adults and peers play a key role in helping children manage the emotional impacts of separation. Many turn to parents, siblings and grandparents for comfort, while others find support in friendships and in familiar environments such as school (Kay-Flowers, 2025; Knight, 2019).
In the research exploring children’s voices, children consistently emphasised that they want to be heard and taken seriously.
Children ask to be approached as individuals who are competent in participating and interpreting their own experiences (Carson et al., 2018; Hansen, 2025). They respond best to adults who adopt a curious and exploratory mindset that puts the children at the centre (Hansen, 2025). They want adults to listen, respect their views, validate their feelings and earn their trust (Hayes & Birnbaum, 2019; Carson et al., 2018).
When excluded or inadequately informed, children often feel confused, distressed and undervalued (Knight, 2019). Older children, in particular, seek reliable explanations about family changes and legal processes from both parents and professionals (Carson et al., 2018; Ridout et al., 2023).
Research with children and young people has found that they want their views considered in parenting arrangements and wish to maintain open communication with both parents after separation (Carson et al., 2018; Parkinson & Cashmore, 2021). Improving access to safe and effective ways for children and young people to express their views is not only consistent with children’s rights but also supports their agency and wellbeing and is critical to informed decision making that is genuinely in their best interests (Carson et al., 2025; Fehlberg et al., 2025).
Children’s needs for involvement in decision making and having their voices heard
Children navigating parental separation can potentially benefit from a range of supports, both informal (family and peers) and formal (professionals), and it is important that children are informed about the range of support options available to them (Carson et al., 2018).
Although the evidence suggests that formal support options for children are often limited, it also shows that they can appreciate access to professional and peer support services and value having a trusted adult who is independent of their parents and/or who can advocate for them in legal contexts where appropriate (Alminde, 2024).
Child-inclusive practices, such as involving children in mediation or appointing independent advisors, can help ensure children’s voices are heard and their wellbeing is prioritised (Alminde, 2024). Many children report positive experiences with mental health services, particularly counselling and therapy, that can support emotional adjustment during family changes (Carson, 2018; Knight, 2019; Ridout et al., 2023).
However, not all children feel comfortable discussing family matters with professionals, and some prefer support from trusted family members or friends (Carson et al., 2018). Respecting these preferences is essential for effective support.
Age-specific support needs
Age plays an important part in the kinds of support that children ask for after parental separation.
Younger children often require reassurance, consistency in routines and simple, clear explanations to help them understand what is happening.
As children grow older, their capacity to comprehend complex family dynamics increases, and so does their desire for involvement in decisions that affect them (Dimopoulos et al., 2025; Lodge, 2012).
Adolescents, in particular, value transparency and autonomy, and they often seek more detailed information about legal processes and parenting arrangements (Knight, 2019; Ridout et al., 2023). However, children of all ages may ask for trusted information to understand how the decisions about these arrangements are being made (Carson et al., 2018).
