30/08/2021
MINDFUL MONDAY - CHAPTER 4 - SELF ACCEPTANCE
âWhat do you think is the biggest waste of time?"
"Comparing yourself to others", said the mole.â
â Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
This is from the children book I read to my kids last night. Yes, the biggest waste of time is comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others can leave you feeling frustrated and anxious. But it doesnât help in creating the life you want. Instead, it just takes away valuable time and energy that could have been spent on building a happy life. To help us avoid or control our unfavourable comparison triggers, we must take pride in the things we are good at and understand that there are things that we are not good at.
That is Self-acceptance
Self-acceptance is exactly what its name suggests: the state of complete acceptance of oneself. True self-acceptance is embracing who you are, without any qualifications, conditions, or exceptions (Seltzer, 2008).
Itâs not enough to simply embrace the good, valuable, or positive about yourself; to embody true self-acceptance, you must also embrace the less desirable, the negative, and the ugly parts of yourself. A popular misconception of self-acceptance is that it means giving up on yourself. That you simply give yourself a pass for your faults and weaknesses and stop trying to change them.
No. this is simply untrue.
Instead, true self-acceptance means being aware of both your positive and negative traits without attaching negative emotions or judgment on who you are.
Unconditional acceptance does not depend on your external circumstances, nor your success and achievements. It is being able to accept both the good and bad about yourself.
Unlike self-esteem, self-acceptance is not conditional. Even if you lost your job, had just broken up with your spouse, or lost all your money, you would still be able to love and show compassion to yourself.
There are 2 steps to to practice self-acceptance.
Step 1. Forgive yourself
The first step in developing self-acceptance is showing compassion to yourself. Understand that you did the best you could at that time, acknowledge that you can no longer change your past failures and mistakes, and then move on.
Think of your past self as a different person, and that you can only change what you can control right now, which is your present self.
Step 2. Stop comparing yourself
One reason why developing self-acceptance is so challenging is because we constantly compare ourselves to others. Especially with the advent of social media, there is a sudden rush for people to appear perfect on their social media.
Remember that true self-acceptance is unconditionalâit does not depend on your perceived success compared to your peers. Your life is uniquely your own, and because of that, it will always be valuable to you. When you stop comparing yourself to others, you begin to journey inward and focus on you. External validation matters less, so you start seeking validation from yourself, which is a part of self-acceptance.
Until we meet again, just accept yourself as who you are. You are unique, no one in this universe can be YOU.
