Kara Ockendon - Amicable Separation & Divorce Specialist

09/10/2026

Coaches....

For those of you supporting those through break-ups, separation, divorce or conflicts, how well do you really understand your client’s experience?

Beyond the emotional impact:

What do you know about the biological shifts occurring?
The common behaviours that follow and how they can contribute to conflict?

How those behaviours can impact the legal process — and how the legal process can, in turn, impact your client?

Being a great coach is about more than developing great coaching skills.

It is about deeply understanding the experience you are coaching someone through and recognising the common pitfalls that can make an already difficult separation considerably harder.

This is why I created Avoiding Post-Separation Conflict for Professionals.

APSC brings together legal experience, psychoeducation and collaborative practice to bridge the gap between professional knowing and its application in real-world separation work.

If you're a divorce or separation coach looking to deepen your separation-specific knowledge and practice, I'd love to have you join us.

Comment below and DM for more information, I am most happy to have a chat.

First intake commencing in just 2 weeks! See less

06/10/2026

Divorce and separation coaches - I would love to connect with more of you.

One of the things I have become increasingly passionate about is the role coaches can play alongside lawyers, mediators, financial professionals and other practitioners supporting separating families.

Because so much of what makes separation difficult isn't simply the legal or practical problem in front of someone.

It is what is happening within the human being trying to navigate it.

Attachment. Nervous system activation. Loss and grief. Changes in cognition and capacity. Communication patterns. The stories we form about one another. And the very human responses that can inadvertently keep conflict going.

These are some of the areas we'll be exploring in my upcoming professional development program, Avoiding Post-Separation Conflict for Professionals.

Together with other separation professionals, we will move beyond simply knowing about trauma, attachment and neuroscience and explore what this understanding actually means and looks like practice.

We will explore the assumptions we make, the language we use, the conditions we create for clients, and when collaborative and interdisciplinary support can help.

I'd particularly love to have more divorce and separation coaches involved both for the perspective you bring and the opportunity for greater connection across professions.

If you're a coach working in this space, I'd love to connect - whether or not the program is for you.

APSC for Professionals commences 21 October 2026.

Comment below or reach out direct, I am happy to have a chat!

29/09/2026

So I did a thing...

I finally started converting several years’ worth of conversations with separation professionals into the Thriving Divorce & Separation Podcast.

The first three episodes are now live on Spotify.

The podcast is a space for real conversations, practical tools and education to help people navigate the emotional, relational and practical realities of separation with greater clarity, confidence and calm... while reducing unnecessary conflict and creating better outcomes for everyone involved.

And this is just the beginning.

I have years of wonderful conversations to revisit, alongside plenty of new ones I would love to have.

So, if you are a professional working in the separation and divorce space - or have expertise or lived experience that could contribute something meaningful to these conversations - I would love to hear from you.

For now, you can find the first three episodes on Spotify by searching Thriving Divorce & Separation.

And if you have a listen, I'd love to know what you think.

23/09/2026

Need some quick, practical guidance to avoid communication mishaps and unnecessary conflict as you navigate separation?

Grab our Post-Separation Communication Toolkit for just $27.

What’s included: Decision-Making Distinctions, Feelings vs Judgments & Perceptions, Boundaries, Requests & Agreements, Tips for Conscious Communication & Confronting Conflict, the High-Conflict Communication Framework, Practical Guides, Deeper Insights & Bonus Resources.

02/09/2026

So here's the thing...

It is true you may not be able to stop your ex-spouse or co-parents conflict driven behaviour.

It is also true that how you respond can either protect your peace or escalate the conflict.

Breaking the Cycles of Conflict in Separation is designed to help you protect your peace!

DM or comment for more info!

29/08/2026

Sometimes the best family traditions are born from hardship... ❤️

Mine is Christmas in Jaugust 🎄

Long story short, it started as the usual Christmas in July when my Mum became terminally ill.

She got to celebrate two of them with us, but because of her illness, they always ended up being pushed into August.

And so now, every year, we celebrate Christmas in Jaugust in her memory.

Celebrated with my siblings, Dad, StepMum & StepGrandparents — even when my Mum was still with us.

Forever solidifying for me how families can repair, evolve and unite, even after spending four years in a parenting court battle back in the 90s!

Families can fracture.

But sometimes, with time and work, they can also find their way back together.

And I feel forever grateful for joy we keep recieving on the back of hardship ❤️

24/08/2026

Something I have noticed that is almost universal amongst separating individuals is that, in some ways, their expectations of their former spouse actually increase rather than decrease.

Sometimes this comes from long-standing resentment.

At other times, it may stem from a defensive need to take a stand, enforce boundaries, or regain a sense of control or safety.

But what can happen is the pendulum swings in an unhelpful way.

One of the most helpful mindset shifts can simply be this:

Try not to expect more of the other person than you would from a housemate you are attempting to respectfully co-exist with.

19/08/2026

18/08/2026

This morning my son challenged me on a consequence I had given him for behaviour that resulted in us being late for school (and work).

It had been a school drop-off with some big feelings... you know the ones!

After calming somewhat, he told me he had felt pressured and that I could not possibly understand the pressure he felt.

I felt frustrated and wanted to defend. After all, he gave me little choice, right?

But instead, I paused and got curious.

I said:

"When you're ready, can you tell me more about what you mean by pressured?"

It took some time.

But eventually he explained that he felt he had needed to do what he was doing, and pointed out that if his Dad or I get distracted while getting ready, we don't "lose things" as a consequence.

Again, I felt the urge to react — because surely taking a handful of 5-cent pieces out of his piggy bank and trying to cut a lemon when we needed to be out the door was not "needed."

But again, I paused, accepted his reality and asked him if what he was really saying was that the consequence had felt unfair.

He replied with a relief-filled "Yes."

And you know what?

He had a point. In more than one way.

So after hearing him, I told him he was right and softened the consequence.

The result wasn't that he "got away with" the behaviour.

The result was connection, goodwill and trust, alongside proportionate boundaries and an outcome that he didn't love, but could better accept.

For me, this moment modelled the power of the very tools I support separating couples and individuals to cultivate during times of challenge or conflict.

And it reminded me of five key principles for improving post-separation conflict:

1. We don't have to agree with someone's reality or perspective in order to validate it.

2. When we bring curiosity to undesirable behaviours or positions, we foster understanding.

3. With understanding, we can respond in a more proportionate and constructive manner.

4. When we respond in proportionate and constructive ways, we can achieve not just better outcomes, but more positive internal experiences overall.

5. Boundaries and understanding can absolutely co-exist.

So next time you find yourself pulling your teeth because your ex-spouse may come up with some "bizarre reason" they need to delay, remember this:

Sometimes the reason does not really matter at all!

14/08/2026

Most of the stress and chaos felt in separation can be alleviated simply by gaining the right information and supports to navigate the next steps and get clear on how you will be able to reclaim stability.

Take your first step today with a 45 minute next steps session - $97