Best Conflict Solutions, LLC

04/09/2026

I just finished my final submission for Thomas Hübl's Foundations of Trauma-Informed Coaching and Consulting program.

My learning with Thomas Hübl, PhD started years ago, when I joined him and William Ury in a two year co-lab called Mediate and Meditate. I came back for this program because something kept nagging at me in my work.

I have always believed that people need to feel seen, heard, validated, and valued before they can problem solve. That still holds. But sometimes I did all of that and the person still could not move. Not would not. Could not.

This program gave me the missing piece. Trauma here does not mean only catastrophe. It means anything that overwhelmed someone's ability to cope, and the armor they built to get through it. That armor does not come off because a mediator is kind. And some of my own habits, like moving too fast to the next question, could quietly replay the original experience of not being met. Without meaning to, I could be part of the pattern.

Now I have language and a mechanism for what I used to only sense. It changes how I sit in the room.

Grateful to Thomas, the faculty, and a remarkable cohort. More to come on how this shows up in mediation, conflict coaching, and healthcare work.

Best Conflict Solutions, LLC Association of Missouri Mediators

02/09/2026

Conflict shows up everywhere. At work, at home, in the middle of hard conversations we’d rather avoid. Kim’s approach has always been the same: don’t run from it, build the skill and the heart to meet it well.

31/08/2026

Most people think listening means staying quiet until it’s their turn to talk. It’s actually the moment where real resolution begins. Where you actually hear what the other person needs, not just what they’re saying.

28/08/2026

Something I keep coming back to in this work: people cannot move forward until they feel seen, heard, validated, and valued.

Skip any one of those steps and what you get is compliance, not resolution. It might look like agreement on the surface, but it will not hold.

That is the real work in conflict, whether it is in a mediation room or a hard conversation at home.

26/08/2026

Don't forget to register!

My session is called Different Not Difficult: Understanding Conflict Dynamics a New Way.

We often hear that a party is difficult before we ever meet them. It comes in the referral note, the intake call, the warning from counsel. Once we accept that label, it shapes what we hear, what we assume, and where our patience runs out, and parties feel it. This session turns the lens on the practitioner first. Through self-assessments on values and personality traits, we will look at why values-based conflict feels so personal, why some parties engage while others withdraw, and how to make room for difference at the table.
I will be joined by fellow moderators Felicia Harris Hoss, Jeff Kichaven, Jean M. Lawler, CIPP/US, and David Shraga, in a session hosted by Natalie Armstrong Motin, Will Work For Food - The New Possibilities Hour, a global conversation that raises money for food banks along the way.
Register here: https://lnkd.in/gHFe4SbG
Hope to see you there!

24/08/2026

Four leaders. One short staffed morning. Someone called out and the work is stacking up.

The absent leader. Hopes it sorts itself out. No decision gets made, so everyone makes their own and those decisions conflict. The team learns nobody is steering, and stops bringing problems forward.

The reactive leader. Decides fast, from frustration, and announces it. Sometimes it is even the right call. But the team learns that pressure sets policy here, so they comply today and wait to see if the next crisis reverses it.

The task focused leader. The schedule gets fixed. The staff feels like widgets. The work gets done and trust gets thinner, and nobody can point to the exact moment it happened.

The servant leader. Asks the team what they need to get through the day, listens, then decides. It may be the identical decision the reactive leader would have made. The difference is what the team learns: our leader is for us. And that lesson compounds.

Twenty years of research points the same direction. Eva and colleagues reviewed 285 studies and found servant led teams show higher trust, stronger effectiveness, and more people doing the right thing without being policed. Cummings and colleagues reviewed more than one hundred nursing leadership studies: relational styles linked to better retention, lower burnout, healthier work environments. Laissez faire performed worst of all.

And the math is not small. The 2026 NSI report puts the cost of replacing one bedside RN at $60,090, with every one percent change in RN turnover worth about $295,000 a year to the average hospital. Servant leadership costs minutes. The alternatives cost people.

None of this is personality. Clarity. The pause. Checking the story you are telling yourself. Deposits before withdrawals. Those are conflict management skills, and skills can be learned.

So, which one are you? Most of us are more than one depending on the day, and the honest answer is usually the useful one.

Start with one thing this week. Make a deposit with each person on your team. Notice something specific and say it. Not flattery, evidence. Then watch what happens the next time you have to make a withdrawal.

Association of Missouri Mediators

21/08/2026

What does your team learn about you during difficult moments?

Research shows that servant leadership can build trust, improve retention, reduce burnout, and create healthier workplaces.

It starts with three simple actions: ask, listen, then lead with clarity.

One simple practice to try this week: Notice something specific each team member is doing well, and say it.

Leadership isn’t simply a personality trait. It’s a set of skills that can be learned, practiced, and strengthened.

19/08/2026

Please don't forget to register!
My session is called Different Not Difficult: Understanding Conflict Dynamics a New Way.

We often hear that a party is difficult before we ever meet them. It comes in the referral note, the intake call, the warning from counsel. Once we accept that label, it shapes what we hear, what we assume, and where our patience runs out, and parties feel it. This session turns the lens on the practitioner first. Through self-assessments on values and personality traits, we will look at why values-based conflict feels so personal, why some parties engage while others withdraw, and how to make room for difference at the table.

I will be joined by fellow moderators Felicia Harris Hoss, Jeff Kichaven, Jean M. Lawler, CIPP/US, and David Shraga, in a session hosted by Natalie Armstrong Motin, Will Work For Food - The New Possibilities Hour, a global conversation that raises money for food banks along the way.

Register here: https://lnkd.in/gHFe4SbG

Hope to see you there!

17/08/2026

Most conflicts don’t escalate because people disagree, they escalate because no one feels heard before the fixing starts. The fastest way to de-escalate a tense conversation isn’t a better argument, it’s slowing down enough to reflect back what the other person actually said. Try it before your next hard conversation.

16/08/2026

Which leadership style truly drives results? Dive into research on servant leadership, team trust, and performance — plus one practical step you can try this week. Read the full post: https://wix.to/4MUNJX0

Key takeaways: building trust, serving your team, and measurable impact on outcomes. Share if you lead a team or want to improve team dynamics.

Which leadership style gets the best results? Research on servant leadership, trust, and team performance, plus one practical step to start this week.