High Conflict Divorce Expert

22/08/2026

21/08/2026

Many of us were sold a lie that relationships are all about communication, and if there’s a problem, you should just communicate better.

This keeps people stuck in relationships, thinking that perhaps they didn’t communicate well enough when in reality the other person isn’t listening, isn’t reflecting, and isn’t putting in the emotional labor. That other person may feel entitled to you and what you bring and have no intention of meeting you halfway, and certainly no intention of examining themselves to see what part they are playing in the conflict.

These types of people often have what psychologists call an “external locus of control” - they see everything as originating outside of themselves and nothing as caused by their choices. And they are not likely to change.

21/08/2026

You know things are bad when all a man has to do is steadily look at you while you speak to make you realize you’ve been in a terrible situation.

21/08/2026

I cannot overemphasize how harmful it is to teach a child that abusive behavior is love, and when you tell them an abuser loves them, that’s what you’re teaching them.

Importantly, abuse is not only physical. Coercive control is abuse. Abuse can be verbal, psychological, emotional, financial, or spiritual.

And children know when something is wrong. Don’t teach them that the feeling of something being wrong is the way love feels.

Children who grow up believing that pain and love go together don’t know what healthy boundaries are. They don’t know what normal feels like and don’t know when to leave an unsafe person.

21/08/2026

Divorce is too consequential to take guidance from someone who’s only qualification is that they’ve been through one. Experience matters. Formal education matters. Professional training matters.

This is especially true with parenting plans. They can shape how your family operates for years, and poorly drafted language creates ambiguity, conflict and unintended consequences. If someone is selling you one, ask what qualifies them to do it. Choose your professionals based on expertise - not follower count.

20/08/2026

TRUE STORY:

The first time I learned my child’s other parent had been lying to me for months, asking me to cover his parenting time for “work trips” that turned out to be leisure trips, I told him that trust needed to be restored. He responded, “I’m not gonna be your f*cking lap dog.”

For certain people, integrity, accountability and repair feel like humiliation. To others, those things feel like emotional maturity and character.

We aren’t all alike.

19/08/2026

Some high conflict people have lived their entire lives with no one holding them accountable, not their family members, not their friends, not in their profession. If you are the first person who’s ever held them accountable, they will label you as a persecutor. You can expect a person like this to throw an adult tantrum of sorts in response. Let them. 🤷🏼‍♀️

18/08/2026

High conflict people will continue to behave as if an initially false or foolish position they took was valid and continue to act consistently with that silly position, because the alternative is losing face and admitting they were foolish. They will keep up the ruse for years to avoid admitting they were wrongheaded, regardless of how unreasonable or goofy they look continuing to push a narrative for which there is no supporting evidence.

While you can’t make a high conflict person be reasonable, you can anticipate their unreasonable conduct and learn how to better respond to it. That’s where I come in.

18/08/2026

Due to a persistently unstable sense of self and unregulated self-esteem, feeling guilt for wrongdoing, sends highly narcissistic people into a shame spiral that they will avoid at all costs. They would rather lie, deny, minimize and blame, and lose a key relationship, than feel guilt which leads to shame and then dysregulated self-esteem and stabilized sense of self. And this is exactly why other people don’t want to be around them.