Brownie Culture

Brownie Culture Helping you create a customized divorce that allows you to uncouple consciously and respectfully.

Operating as usual

On a recent drive to the beach, I was cruising along with the radio blaring and the sun shining though the windows and i...
11/18/2020

On a recent drive to the beach, I was cruising along with the radio blaring and the sun shining though the windows and in that moment I thought to myself “life is so good.”

The process of divorce can be grueling even if the split is amicable. While you’re in the midst of it I want you to give yourself constant reminders that life gets better.

For me if I see a rainbow 🌈 it reminds me to hold my head up high and that my future is bright. I keep this in my office as a visual cue to shift my internal thoughts.

What do you do to keep your mind right?

I’ve been back to school several times.For a girl who’s so over school I always seem to be enrolling in a new program. I...
11/17/2020

I’ve been back to school several times.

For a girl who’s so over school I always seem to be enrolling in a new program. I went back for my teaching credential. I went back for a master’s degree. When I decided to go back for a third time I faced challenges and resistance like I’ve never experienced before.

I knew I no longer wanted to be a teacher and that my calling was one of a peacemaker. In order to do that I decided to apply to the best program in the country and I got in! That’s when all the drama started.

“Malibu is too far away.”

“You can’t take a class this weekend because I need you with me.”

“That degree isn’t important.”

“You’re a bad mom and other women agree with me that you’re being selfish.”

“You have enough education.”

“Why are you acting like you’re better than other people?”

I think you know by now that I kept going and didn’t quit. All of that resistance was a sign to me that I was on the right track.

Ask yourself where you’re facing resistance and you’ll find that is the path you need to walk down.

If you’re contemplating divorce it’s a tough road to walk but if it’s the right decision for you things will get better. Stay focused and don’t give up.

11/16/2020
Compromise vs. Collaboration

Should you compromise in a divorce?

#divorce #consciousuncoupling #divorcemediation #divorcemediator #coparenting #coparent

There will come a time in your life where you’ll look back on all the heartache and pain and be grateful.You’ll be able ...
11/15/2020

There will come a time in your life where you’ll look back on all the heartache and pain and be grateful.

You’ll be able to see how bad your marriage truly was and that you weren’t thriving in it.

And then you’ll see where you’re at and realize that your life is so much better. You may even be tempted to thank your ex.

But first we got to get you divorced.

This is the view from my desk.My son is working at his little table in front of my whiteboard which is covered in Star W...
11/13/2020

This is the view from my desk.

My son is working at his little table in front of my whiteboard which is covered in Star Wars drawings. Don't ask me to tell you what's happening or who the characters are. lol

I love this picture because he just wanted to be in the same room with me. It's messy to work from home with kids but the rewards are beyond measure.

Children are why I do what I do because they are the unintended victims of divorce.Part of my job is to help parents kee...
11/12/2020

Children are why I do what I do because they are the unintended victims of divorce.

Part of my job is to help parents keep their children top of mind while negotiating their divorce. I do this by using my 20 years of experience of working with kids.

So if you see a lot of things about kids in my feed now you’ll know why.

Happy Veteran's Day
11/11/2020

Happy Veteran's Day

Tone matters. A lot. Meaning is derived from tone and tone from feelings.If your feelings are negative, which they proba...
11/10/2020

Tone matters. A lot. Meaning is derived from tone and tone from feelings.

If your feelings are negative, which they probably are since you're divorcing, then you'll need to pay extra attention to your tone. If your goal is to settle your divorce as peacefully and quickly as possible then using the right tone of voice in front of your STBX will go a long way toward helping that happen.

I'm not saying it's easy, I'm just saying it's possible.

If you need a little help on getting your tone right DM me and we can talk. I’ve been where you are and I know how difficult it can be.

Your healing journey from divorce starts the moment you decide to heal.You don’t have to wait until the ink is dry to be...
11/09/2020

Your healing journey from divorce starts the moment you decide to heal.

You don’t have to wait until the ink is dry to begin processing your divorce emotionally. In fact, I think it makes the whole divorce process more difficult if you’re in raw pain the entire time.

Rather than waiting for a set timeline, decide for yourself when you want to begin your healing journey.

Remember that while time doesn’t heal wounds it can make us numb to the pain we’re in. It can create a false reality of healing and the unprocessed emotions and pain can and will wreak havoc on your next relationship.

It's still 2020.Did you read that with anticipation and delight or with a sigh and a groan? Perspective is important. Yo...
11/08/2020

It's still 2020.

Did you read that with anticipation and delight or with a sigh and a groan? Perspective is important.

Your marriage is ending and it's still 2020. You can look at this year as a curse or a blessing. Terrible and unfortunate things happen to all of us but they don't have to define us or hold us back.

It may just be that you'll look back on 2020 and see it as one of the best years of your life because you decided to end a relationship that wasn't healthy.

Good things are in store for you.

11/07/2020

Good breeding always shows. Show yours with the way you treat your STBX.

Kindness and respect should never be underestimated.

What's going right in your life right now?Focus on that.
11/06/2020

What's going right in your life right now?

Focus on that.

So your prince or princess charming swept you off your feet and it was a dream come true. But it turned into a nightmare...
11/05/2020

So your prince or princess charming swept you off your feet and it was a dream come true. But it turned into a nightmare when they dropped you like a hot potato.

They married you and it was supposed to be forever. You were supposed to grow old together. Your marriage was to be a model for others to emulate. Instead your heart is broken and your life is in tatters.

It happens to the best of us but you don't have to let your story end there. You are the hero of your own story and you get to decide your story's ending. You can divorce with dignity and respect and class, or you can duke it out to make them pay for your broken heart. You are the one to mend your own heart and trying to make someone pay for the wrong done against you rarely works.

Things can get really out of wack in a divorce, especially your emotions. They are anything but balanced. You may be exp...
11/04/2020

Things can get really out of wack in a divorce, especially your emotions. They are anything but balanced. You may be experiencing some mood swings where your lows are really low and your highs are not so high.

It's okay.

Give yourself some time to adjust to this new reality and consider going to therapy. You will find that things will come back into balance quicker than you thought possible.

This weekend my son asked to bring his umbrella to his dad's house. Of course I agreed but wanted to make sure he knew t...
11/03/2020

This weekend my son asked to bring his umbrella to his dad's house. Of course I agreed but wanted to make sure he knew that rain wasn't in the forecast. He didn't want it for the rain, he wanted it for shade and of course to showoff.

Having an umbrella in the heat or rain is a really smart idea. You want to get one that's big enough to shield you, and possibly others, but not too heavy to carry.

When you're divorcing be careful not to bite off more financial responsibility than you can handle in the long haul. BUT, don't leave yourself without any financial assets either. Think about how your financial decisions during divorce will impact you in the future.

What financial decisions are you most concerned about right now? Spousal support? Sale of the family home? Life insurance? 401k?

11/02/2020
Negotiation Tip

Sharing some negotiation wisdom from Bob Iger.

#divorce #consciousuncoupling #divorcemediation #divorcemediator #coparenting #coparent

This morning I went for a walk not only for exercise but as a form of rest. Well it didn’t work, I didn’t find rest. I w...
11/01/2020

This morning I went for a walk not only for exercise but as a form of rest. Well it didn’t work, I didn’t find rest. I was so angry and frustrated and I could never get those bad feelings to go away. It’s probably because I was tired. Usually when I go for a walk I come home invigorated and ready to continue with my day, but not today.

When I got home I decided to have my coffee outside on the back patio. And you know what? Rest came. It came from the stillness. It came from recognizing that my body needed to be still so that my mind could quiet.

What is your body telling you it needs today?

Halloween is my favorite holiday! I hope you have some fun today and get to eat your favorite candy.
10/31/2020

Halloween is my favorite holiday! I hope you have some fun today and get to eat your favorite candy.

10/30/2020

When going though a divorce you need to be really honest with yourself.

Are you the parent who is always running late and has a hard time having the kids get all their school work down?

If that’s the case then you really want to think about some custody plans that would limit your responsibility during the week so that your kids can be as successful in school as possible.

10/29/2020

Divorce is closing a door to something and usually another one doesn't open up right away. It's tempting to want to walk back through that door you just left. You want to see if they miss you, or if they're miserable, or if they're happy, or if they're open to having you back, or if they still think well of you.

In short, you might just want their attention.

You don't need their approval or good thoughts to validate your personhood. Your greatness is no longer tied to them. Close that door quietly and never look back.

Keep your new hopes and dreams and opportunities to yourself until they're old enough to live on their own. If you go and flaunt them in front of your ex or seek their approval they might just kill those dreams.

If you've got kids together and want to be friends and supportive of each other give it some time first.

I know you've heard it a million times but nourish your body with good food. It will help your emotions. It's probably t...
10/28/2020

I know you've heard it a million times but nourish your body with good food. It will help your emotions.

It's probably the last thing you want to do, or even have time for. So set yourself up for success by meal planning or subscribing to a meal delivery service.

Your health is very important and you're worth taking care of.

If you don't take care of you who will?

Your kids will one day grow up and move out for good, hopefully. 😉  The people they become is directly related to who th...
10/27/2020

Your kids will one day grow up and move out for good, hopefully. 😉 The people they become is directly related to who their parents are as people. Do your best to teach and model respect, love, forgiveness, grace, compassion, kindness and all those other things that help mold children into amazingly kind adults.

It's stressful not to be able to parent your child when they're with your STBX. However, chances are that you and your STBX will actually be better parents once you're divorced because you're no longer in active conflict.

Don't stress out that you're going to mess up your kids for life because you're getting a divorce. In reality conflict is far more destructive for children than divorce. Kids need happy, healthy parents in order to grow up to be happy, healthy well-adjusted adults.

10/26/2020
Is your spouse stalling your divorce?

Join me today to learn what you can do to help keep your divorce moving and not lose your sanity.

#divorce #consciousuncoupling #divorcemediation #divorcemediator #coparenting #coparent

Make memories with your kids. They won't remember all the details, but they'll remember how they felt when they're with ...
10/25/2020

Make memories with your kids. They won't remember all the details, but they'll remember how they felt when they're with you. Especially when you're going through a divorce your kiddos need to know they are loved and important.

BTW this is a snapshot from when my son and I were making spooky houses for Halloween.

Is it me or does it look like these little army men are trying to attack my Vogue coasters? Life with a child is hilario...
10/24/2020

Is it me or does it look like these little army men are trying to attack my Vogue coasters?

Life with a child is hilarious, stressful, and crazy all at the same time.

Sometimes it’s hard to get work done, but in the long run I’d much rather have a messy house and a wackadoodle day than the perfect tranquility of a house without children.

I often get overwhelmed with the pressures of life, but seeing my little boy’s face helps me regain focus.

The silver lining in divorce is that when your child goes to be with their other parent you get to enjoy the peace and quiet of a house without kids.

In 2020 it seems like one of the hardest things to come by is community since we’re all still isolated and socially dist...
10/23/2020

In 2020 it seems like one of the hardest things to come by is community since we’re all still isolated and socially distanced from many many people. Compound that with an impending divorce and your sense of belonging might as well be chucked out the window.

If you haven’t already then surround yourself with a group of trusted friends. Create a bubble so that your kids can have someone to play with and you can have a shoulder to cry on or someone to drink margaritas with.

It doesn’t really matter what group you belong to or where you choose to find community just as kind as you find it otherwise you risk delaying your healing

Get your heart ready! Probably the last thing you want to think about when you’re going through a divorce is giving your...
10/22/2020

Get your heart ready!

Probably the last thing you want to think about when you’re going through a divorce is giving your heart to another person. At this point in time it’s probably not in the right state to give away anyway. You’ve given your heart to someone and they’ve given it back to you used, damaged, worn out, and broken.

But I have good news for you, the heart can be healed. It won’t always be broken or deformed. But first you gotta take it to rehab.

You have to let it rest for a little bit. It needs to detox from any poison it was given. It may need surgery, via forgiveness and therapy, to repair damage that can’t heal on its own. It will need kind and healthy words, actions and foods to bring it back to life. It also needs to be sequestered for a bit to ensure that it is healthy and strong.

Once your heart is ready use all the lessons from your past and choose someone who will cherish your heart just as much as you do.

10/21/2020

You did it! You’ve reached the middle of the week.

Before you dive back into work or kids or dealing with your STBX take a moment to pause from the rigors of everyday life.

Ask yourself: What’s my dream for my future? What makes me happy? What gives me life?

I wouldn’t be surprised to find that it’s hard for you to come up with an answer. That’s okay. You’re right where you’re supposed to be.

If you’re reading this post that means it’s time for you to dream again. Play with this idea in your head for the next couple days. Be gentle with yourself as you train your brain to thrive instead of just surviving.

Every Tuesday some of the ladies at my job would head to Guadalupe’s for tacos. When I could slip away I would join them...
10/20/2020

Every Tuesday some of the ladies at my job would head to Guadalupe’s for tacos. When I could slip away I would join them. It was always so fun to be with them for lunch. They were such regulars that they didn’t even need to place an order, the kitchen already knew what they wanted.

One of the ladies never wanted tomatoes on her tacos but insisted on having ketchup on her tacos instead. What?! It’s strange I know but that’s the beauty of tacos because you can customize them even if they turn out to be unappetizing to everyone else at the table. lol

Mediation is a bit like Taco Tuesday. You can just get a taco, get it with rice and beans, or even add a cerveza or margarita to your order. Of course, you can also customize your toppings. When you mediate it’s okay if you only need to mediate just one or two issues instead of the whole divorce. Mediation is flexible and is designed to work for you.

I’d love to know your favorite toppings for your tacos. For me it’s tomatillo salsa. Yum! Can’t get enough.

10/19/2020
Co-Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting

Join me today to learn how to decide if co-parenting or parallel parenting is best for you right now.

#divorce #consciousuncoupling #divorcemediation #divorcemediator #coparenting #coparent

10/18/2020

The concept of mediator neutrality might be a bit confusing because our thoughts of the legal system usually consist of lawyers and judges.

We know that lawyers always take sides because they’re advocates.

We know that eventually a judge takes a side as evidenced by their written opinions, rulings and judgments.

However, mediators don’t take a side. They do not advocate for either side and they don’t make any decisions. The role of the mediator is to help facilitate the discussion (negotiation) between you and your STBX. You two make all the decisions about your future. The mediator helps to interpret what one side is saying to the other so that there is better understanding, and they help keep you on topic and move the discussion along so that a conclusion can be reached.

When you’re going through a divorce it’s almost like you enter a battle mindset. Depending on the way your marriage ende...
10/17/2020

When you’re going through a divorce it’s almost like you enter a battle mindset. Depending on the way your marriage ended and how the two of you are facing divorce it may in fact feel like actual battle. Even if you’ve chosen to divorce amicably it’s still very stressful.

On this beautiful Saturday put down your weapons of war for a few minutes. Go outside and get some sunshine. Read a good book. Unplug for a couple hours. Go and find your happy place.

Your mind and body need a break. You’ll feel better for it and be able to think more clearly.

10/16/2020

Co-Parenting is all the rage. If you choose to co-parent with your ex you will still have a pretty close relationship with them. You'll most likely see each other on holidays and even be at each other's houses for dinner. You'll have joint birthday parties for your children and coordinate extra curricular activities. The new love in your life will also be interacting with your ex as will you with their new partner(s).

Co-parenting is a great goal but it may not be attainable for you. If that's the case then you can parallel parent. You'll see each other occasionally, such as at school events, but you won't be going over to their new partner's house for Thanksgiving dinner. You'll live a separate life as will your ex. Your lives will not be as intertwined as they are with co-parenting.

Neither option is good or bad. You just need to pick the right option for you.

Peace and clarity come from being still.The sad irony is that you need peace and clarity more than ever when going thoug...
10/15/2020

Peace and clarity come from being still.

The sad irony is that you need peace and clarity more than ever when going though a divorce and yet it's so hard to be still.

It will take practice to train your mind to be still again. One thing I like to do is read a good novel. It helps both my mind and body to quiet down and relax.

The other thing I like to do is Tapping Mediation. This allows me to move my body and get my fidgets out while slowing down my mind.

What's your go to activity to still your mind and body?

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