Claire the Humanist

02/06/2026

NERD ASBO!

I always assumed my happy place was a table in the window of a sweet-smelling bookshop by the coast. Standard yes?

Turns out, it's telling wild stories to beautiful people in a very hot pub in Leith.

The latest installment of NERD ASBO (Nuptials of Edinburgh Roller Derby and Adjacent Super Bearded 'Omosexuals) was an absolute cracker. There were familiar faces, charming ginger babies 😍, groans of horror, roars of delight, delightful euphemisms, glitter for days...

It was an amazing afternoon filled with extraordinary energy. Kerri and Inma are very lucky gals. There was a lot of love for them in the Brass Monkey, so much that I'm confident some of it spilled out of the Brass Monkey and into the Big Outside World and we're all better for it.

Me? Knackered. I had to lie down on the tram back to Parentals Digance. Not advised.

Previous NERD ASBO alumni include the OGs, Katie & Marc, the bearded beauties, Jim & Jordan and look! It's guests at the wedding, Kate & Lex, the cheeriest faces to land on mid-informative ramble about Queen Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz. Yep. She popped up. Obvs.

Btw, Kerri and Inma decided to get married, found out when I was free, booked their wedding accordingly. You can definitely do that too. Five months all in and the Irish contingent were there and the Spanish lot were there and it's easier than you think (says the girl that did not do any of the organising).

30/05/2026

Day Infinity, favourite symbolic gesture.

If you want to drink your favourite shot from your quaich, wire in. Be warned, a sober 2pm sambuca is a very powerful reminder as to why we drink such things already hammered. Great content though.

If you'd rather drink an unholy mix of Czech beer and Ardbeg whisky from a silver cup that belonged to your much missed Grampa, I'll encourage you to drink deep and laugh at the photos (but forget to take any of my own so enjoy a pic of their planner, Gemma from .weddings)

Alternatively, if you feel like subverting tradition and poking fun at the patriarchy, have your mums and brothers pour glitter in your quaich for you to mix together and daub on each other's faces instead of exchanging rings. Definitely do it. It will be a lot of fun and it will go everywhere but we'll all love it cos there's nothing gayer than glitter, right?

The important thing is it's your idea, not mine. If it has meaning and significance, if it's fun or sentimental then it's an excellent addition to your ceremony. If not, it's not. Cheers!

23/05/2026

Day 23. Best feedback.

Ngl, my feedback is usually prrrreeeeettttty sweet. Feel free to add some more on my Google reviews, it's always appreciated and helps me stand out in the currently jam packed terracotta celebrant army. Niche description but basically too many.

I do enjoy a steady stream of unhinged conversations post ceremony though. All true. Enjoy.

21/05/2026

Day 21. Most proud of....

Obviously the answer is the Precious Child who finished her Higher exams today and has taken herself back to bed to watch YouTubes. Quite right too.

Second to that, I'm quite proud that I remembered to bring a post-ceremony banana, a chronically out of date Belvita and a very welcome flask of tea to today's Glencoe mini-wedding. And also a towel. It was a very damp do.

19/05/2026

Hello Day 19. You must be My Writing Process.

I treat your ceremony like a short story. Or a three act play. Occasionally a pantomime in a local theatre with urine-soaked seats.

First, the cast. You, me and other important people. I don't have to create legends or motivations for these people, they are real and unpredictable. I will probably kill off a couple but you'll never notice.

Next, plot points. These are the things that have a place and anchor your ceremony: vows, rings, handfast, readings. Lock them in and then on to the exciting bit...

Your story. I like to focus on the beginning (how you met), the middle (proposal) and the end (married yay hometime) but there will always be a twist or three, some scribbly foot, side and bum notes, a super-niche reference about something I've literally just remembered and one time, a fold out map of a fictional country village called Little Beepen*s.

It's not as easy as I've made it sound.

15/05/2026

14/05/2026

Missed a few HuMAYnist days. Landed at Motivation and Goals.

I am deeply motivated by the deadline of your wedding and a goal of not fu***ng it up. Exhibit a: Rebecca and Eoin. Achieved all goals. Their delightful faces are the reward. I have a phone full of pictures like this. It's very reassuring.

We've got Highers exams going on (smashing it. Called Chemistry a 'lovely exam), driving lessons, Masters study, a garden that needs scrutinised and planted which leads to garden centres being reluctantly* visited and we're mid-Mayhem (twinned with What The FOctober) which means weddings at every turn. It's a lot but, much like Raye's husband, your wedding is coming so I better be ready with my brass section. Don't sleep much in May. I don't sleep well either what with the rampant anxiety dreams but if you're getting married in May, sames, huh?

*skip skip skip I'm off to the garden centre with my friends to buy plants that will give their lives to the cause so I have to come back again and again and again happy happy joy joy

10/05/2026

Day 10- What keeps me going? These. They are the most delicious pucks of minty joy and the perfect post-ceremony reward.

I try not to eat too much before a ceremony. I'm an artistic athlete after all.

Lols. It's mainly to avoid burping.

07/05/2026

What are we on? Day 7? That must be The Less Glam Side then.

As a rule, I don't marry many Claires. I certainly avoid Clares. It's outrageous that Clare no i exists and it's really difficult for me to type,

And then March happened.

First, Glencoe for Clare and Andrew which is also weird because Andrew is my husband's name. Clare no i made the biscuit for correctly spelled me. Delicious.

Then Claire and Scott snuck in with their wee vow renewal. We met them a couple of posts ago.

Next up, Claire and Ken were civilly partnered in a little castle. Amazing grazing table, alarmingly incorrect paperwork (not their fault, everything's fine).

Claire and Sparky got married in the sunshine at Gleddoch House. I've known Claire a long time. She and the Dumbarton Costa squad were on excellent form. Oh and Sparky's real name is Mark which leads us to....

Clare and Mark. Also from Dumbarton. Jeezo. Their cute wedding in Glasgow with Fisher & Donaldson coffee tower canapes was only slightly marred by discovering Clare is actually Claire but CHOSE TO DROP THE I. What is wrong with people?

Five Claire/Clares in three weeks. Two Claire/Clare and Marks. Can you imagine how chaotic my emails were? It was all Claire this and Clare that and which Mark are you marrying again?

Worst part? Did it to myself. Idiot. Or Dot if we blindly follow this disagreeable spelling trend.

20/01/2026

This was a wedding to remember! First off, there was the dress that didn't get made and then there was that weirdly inappropriate first dance with his mum....

Wait! Wrong wedding! No NDAs (Nepotistic Drama Alarms) here!

Caitlin and Jack got married just over three months ago and the sun shone in St Andrews which made the post-ceremony queue for Janettas unseasonably long. Worth it though.

I just went back and re-read C&J's ceremony. 10/10. Lots of chat about their beloved dogs, Bonnie and Bella, Caitlin's beautiful horse, Replay, and how Jack's very lovely mum almost ruined his secret proposal plans by announcing over speakerphone that 'A SPECIAL PARCEL had arrived and what do you mean, 'shut up mum'? Rude.'

Massive wedding, loads of fun and a very welcome dose of autumnal Vitamin D from the good weather. No rickets here!

Love working with the girls at . They're a good bunch.